[He doesn't answer for a long moment, instead just curling up some, pulling his knees to his chest and keeping his arms folded against him. That comment really hurt...he knows Shuichi wasn't trying to hurt him, but it just causes a deep ache right in his chest because he's right. That is indeed one of the things he's dealing with, and having that brought up right now of all times...
It's really the worst. When he finally does talk, his voice is very strained, but he's obviously doing his best to keep it together.]
It's...it's lonely, Saihara-chan. It's really lonely, being here. Even surrounded by all these people, without them I'm all alone. I haven't been alone in...a really long time. Even before, during the killing game, it was different, because I didn't want them there. That made it easier, but now...a-and I mean, I don't--
[There's a hiccup as he pauses, a hand moving up to his mouth as he tries to gather himself but it's a little too late at this point. Any other problem he's been having...any one of them would be easier than this. But he pushes forward, even though there are already a few tears streaming down his cheeks.]
I don't even know if they're okay, a-and. And I may never get to. I keep trying to tell myself that they're fine, that the video was a lie, that they'd never...never get caught like that, but...
[But they just mean so much to him. It's so much harder, convincing himself of that when that video seemed so real. How could they have staged it?]
They all looked...s-so hopeless...and helpless...what kind of leader am I? That'd I'd let them get into a situation like that? That I can't...even do anything to help or save them?
[He buries his face in his knees, curling up as tight as he possibly can to try and hide the fact that he's openly crying now and maybe try and comfort himself some...this isn't even the root of the issue as to why his sleeping has been so awful, though it's certain contributed to it.]
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It's really the worst. When he finally does talk, his voice is very strained, but he's obviously doing his best to keep it together.]
It's...it's lonely, Saihara-chan. It's really lonely, being here. Even surrounded by all these people, without them I'm all alone. I haven't been alone in...a really long time. Even before, during the killing game, it was different, because I didn't want them there. That made it easier, but now...a-and I mean, I don't--
[There's a hiccup as he pauses, a hand moving up to his mouth as he tries to gather himself but it's a little too late at this point. Any other problem he's been having...any one of them would be easier than this. But he pushes forward, even though there are already a few tears streaming down his cheeks.]
I don't even know if they're okay, a-and. And I may never get to. I keep trying to tell myself that they're fine, that the video was a lie, that they'd never...never get caught like that, but...
[But they just mean so much to him. It's so much harder, convincing himself of that when that video seemed so real. How could they have staged it?]
They all looked...s-so hopeless...and helpless...what kind of leader am I? That'd I'd let them get into a situation like that? That I can't...even do anything to help or save them?
[He buries his face in his knees, curling up as tight as he possibly can to try and hide the fact that he's openly crying now and maybe try and comfort himself some...this isn't even the root of the issue as to why his sleeping has been so awful, though it's certain contributed to it.]