[It had been a few days since they'd all met up with one another, giving all of them plenty time to nap and unwind. Kokichi had spent the first two playing his arcade machines non-stop before finally crashing and getting some good sleep. But he had also spent that time thinking, running over the events that happened not only after arriving on the station and meeting up with Shuichi and Kaede, but the ones that happened before his death as well...
He knew he needed to apologize, and he wanted to, but...would it really matter? You're alone and you always will be... Those words weighed heavily on his mind, and made him second guess if he should even try talking to Shuichi. It's not like they had been able to make amends before he died. Hell, he'd only made things worse and worse after that point. Purposefully, of course; it had been part of his plan, and that plan had been important. But he hadn't exactly factored meeting up with the detective in the afterlife as part of that master plan...and sure, he had been pleasant enough when the three of them were talking, but that's just how Shuichi is. He wouldn't have wanted to cause any unnecessary drama right in front of Kaede, and he was polite enough to want to keep any of their friends - or...former friends, in his case - in the loop on what happened in the end...
But...even if Shuichi didn't want to talk to him, he had to at least apologize. So after his good amount of sleep and a shower, he shoots Shuichi a text. Thank god he had something to use as an excuse to see him too.]
Hey Saihara-chan, are you free? No big deal if you aren't, but I've got something I want to give you. I promise it's nothing from the space station so no lube or porn or anything, but it's something I feel you should have, rather than me. Let me know when you're available and I can come drop by and give it to you.
[.........hopefully Shuichi had figured out all the messaging functions on his watch by now...]
[Fortunately, Shuichi did set aside some time to just fiddle with his watch and try and figure out how everything worked. Especially the messaging, because that was unquestionably the most important feature.]
[So Kokichi actually doesn't have to wait very long for a response. Lucky him!]
Right now is fine. Are you still at the arcade?
[He is not sure that he 100% buys that whatever Kokichi has to give him isn't something wildly inappropriate. This is Kokichi, after all, you kind of have to take his promises with a grain of salt. He will not be surprised if this turns out to be a lie and Kokichi shows up to throw confetti and a box of glow in the dark condoms at him or something.]
Yeah, but I'll have to stop by my room to pick up the goods.
[In case you were thinking of performing the transaction at the arcade which he does not prefer you do!!! He is not apologizing to you in front of the employees here...
Also wow, won't you feel bad thinking that when you see the great gift he's got for you. It is so much better than glow in the dark condoms and that's saying something. Glow in the dark condoms are awesome.]
[Okay, for the record...referring to this gift as "the goods" is not doing anything to alleviate Shuichi's concerns. That sounds so suspicious.]
[But yes, he was assuming that he could just go up to the arcade for "the goods". Why wouldn't he? It's Kokichi, it's not like he's going to tell him anything particularly sensitive as a part of this mystery present of his. Since when does he handle anything other than his ~evil schemes~ in private?]
Okay. Is there somewhere else you want me to meet you, then?
[It's ungodly early in the morning when there's a quiet beep at Shuichi's door as Kaede lets herself into his room. She leaves her shoes at the door, but doesn't take off the robe she'd thrown over her pajamas to walk over. For a while, she hovers near the door, uncertain, before finally padding across the room and slipping into bed beside him.
There's only a beat of hesitation before she shifts closer, wrapping her arms around him and burying her nose against him. Her hair is still wet from the shower she'd just taken, and she's shivering very slightly, but hopefully it's not enough to wake him.]
[Unsurprisingly...Shuichi doesn't even move at the beep signaling Kaede has entered his room. With how deeply he sleeps, chances are he didn't even hear it.]
[Likewise, the additional weight on his mattress does nothing to stir him from his slumber. It's not until Kaede is curled up next to him that he finally reacts. But even then, he doesn't wake up. He just gives a soft, sleepy hum and shifts a little closer to her.]
[...yeah, she's going to have to purposefully try to wake him if she wants to talk. Otherwise, he'll probably be out cold for a few more hours.]
[Nope, she isn't going to try to wake him at all. She holds her breath at that sleepy hum and goes still when he shifts closer, but doesn't relax until it's clear he's not going to wake up. Really, she should have figured that something this small wouldn't be enough to wake him... it's why she's confident enough to reach up and gently brush a bit of stray hair away from his face, tucking it behind his ear.
She's... not going back to sleep, not any time soon. So it's not weird to just watch him sleep, right? And listen to his heartbeat? It's just such a soothing melody.
So yeah, she's going to just lay there next to him until he does finally wake up, or at least start stirring. That's not weird, right? Just laying there, stroking his hair and watching him sleep?]
[It's maybe a little weird. But it's an okay weird, so he allow it. Or retroactively, anyway. Once he wakes up and realizes that's what she's been doing.]
[It's several hours before he finally starts to stir, though at least it's earlier than normal, by Shuichi standards. Seems at some point the hair stroking actually was enough to wake him. Or at least enough to start rousing him. His eyebrows knit together a little in what is likely half-awake confusion and he murmurs unintelligibly before his eyes flutter open.]
[For a few seconds, he looks at Kaede in dazed, sleepy surprise, through half-lidded eyes. But once his brain is awake enough to actually make sense of things, he suddenly becomes less hazy and smiles softly.]
Good morning... [This isn't the first time Kaede has snuck into his room in the middle of the night to cuddle with him, so he's not particularly surprised to see her. He's gotten used to it by now. So instead of asking why she's here, he just leans in for a quick good morning kiss.]
Hey, whenever you're free, would you mind coming over? I'd like to talk, and it's kind of important. I know it's early, sorry. I'll buy you breakfast to make up for it~
[The last line probably takes away from how serious this kind of is, but it's just not like him to leave something as serious as that. Even if...it really was important, and needed to be taken that way. But then again, he was already kind of fearful as to what Shuichi would think or say about what he had to tell him, so maybe it was nervousness adding in that playful line too...
I slept with your girlfriend. The detective was forgiving, but would he be willing to look past that? Especially since...it...seriously sounded like he'd taken her virginity. "Something lots of people have tried to steal, but nobody has"...what else could that be? Surely, even in a fantasy world like that, she'd be in love with Shuichi, so the line about taking her heart couldn't have been the truth. Just playful banter. And he could easily see the two of them taking upwards of a few months to actually do the deed...
What was he even thinking? Why did he do that? After all that talk about how they should be together, how they were perfect for one another, how they needed to play the game with each other...someone point him to the nearest airlock, he feels like he'll want to toss himself out of it by the time this conversation is over.]
[Shuichi's response probably does nothing for Kokichi's nerves.]
[Mostly because there is no response from Shuichi. Not immediately, anyway. Not even several minutes later. Because even if Kaede hadn't come to talk to him first...Shuichi doesn't sleep with his communicator on. Meaning Kokichi's message is received by no one.]
[And once he and Kaede have talked things through...he goes back to sleep. Still...without so much as touching his communicator.]
[Meaning Kokichi's looking at a good hour or two of radio silence from the detective. Because it's not until he's leaving his room to go investigate the trees (perhaps with Kaede, if she's so inclined to help him with the mystery of the malfunctioning memories) that he finally reads the message.]
[Shit.]
Sorry, Oma-kun! I didn't have my watch on so I just saw this... Are you still in your room?
[No, it does not help. The radio silence nearly kills him on its own, Kokichi pacing around his room, gently pounding his forehead against a wall, staring at the messenger for large amounts of time...
She already talked to him. Of course she did, he knew she would, but she definitely already talked to him. He's ignoring him now, isn't he? He hates him. They both hate him. Why is he even--
Oh. Okay, it was just...he just didn't have his watch on, that makes sense. Who sleeps with a watch on? Everything is fine, even if his life was definitely shortened twenty years.]
[Well he's not entirely wrong. She DID talk to him already, however...when she'd offered to tell him who she dream slept with, he'd declined the information. So he has no reason to ignore Kokichi, especially not when the other boy is being...somewhat. Serious.]
[That's actually a little concerning. Which is why he doesn't respond a second time, but rather walks down the hallway to Kokichi's cabin and knocks on the door.]
[He was quiet as could be as he snuck into Shuichi's cabin, knowing that he's a heavy sleeper but preferring not to risk it anyway. While he's done this numerous times before already - "Of course I can pick the locks here too, it only took a little digging to figure out how. They're electronic, but that doesn't mean they're invincible," had been his lie to explain how the detective found himself waking up to Kokichi lounging on his couch, breakfast for the two of them on the coffee table the first time it had happened - this was more important. It didn't matter if he'd woken up and caught him any of those times.
This time it was different. It was the middle of the night rather than merely the early hours of the morning, and there were still fresh tears refusing to go away prickling at the corners of his eyes and dripping from his chin. He'd asked a few times already to cuddle with his friends before, but he'd never really needed it beyond nightmare prevention. Nights when he slept on his own and had nightmares he'd simply stay awake afterward, focus on something else, deal with it on his own. Sometimes he'd text Kaede but not often.
This was the worst one though...the nightmare that always got him, that he couldn't ever actually tell them about, that was hardest to ignore and forget and distract himself from. That's why he was cracking, giving in and seeking out some form of comfort. Once he was sure Shuichi was still asleep, he clicked the door shut behind and slipped out of his shoes, then made his way over to the other boy's bed. He had to wonder how his friend would react in the morning as he very carefully slipped under the covers. Would he be mad? Upset? It's not like he wasn't allowed to cuddle with him, but he's supposed to ask first, not just sneak in like this...
Maybe he'd get a good chance to tease him out of it. "Oh, you don't remember? How cruel~ We slept together, you know! That's why we're curled up like this~" Then again, maybe not. That might be too painful of a lie to tell. He'd think about it again in the morning, and instead focus on the now. At first he kept some space between them, just laying on his side and watching Shuichi sleep. Watching his chest rise and fall with his easy breathing, trying to slow his own down to match, maybe calm himself down that way...admiring his peaceful expression, and the features of his face. He can look without really being judged like this - aside from heavily judging himself - and so he does, once again trying to distract himself. Maybe try and separate this Shuichi from the one in his dream that always gives him such a cold, hateful and piercing glare...can this gentle person really make such an expression?
Well...of course he can. He already has, towards Kokichi at least. Frowning, he reaches a hand up to rub at his eyes, just willing himself to stop thinking about that. Okay, Plan C for "Forget about that nightmare". He scoots forward, closing the distance between them and hesitantly, carefully curls up against his side. He has to nudge Shuichi's arm out of the way a little, but that doesn't stop him. He's so light, there's no way he could wake him up like this, right? If Kaede can manages to sneak in here to sleep with him - and she must, he's convinced that she does - then he can too, easily. He's tiny and thin and light, Shuichi won't know that he's there. He tucks his cheek against his chest, choosing to ignore the fact that he's still crying and that'll surely get his shirt wet, and brings his hands up. His fingers curl slightly into the fabric of the other boy's nightshirt, rather than wrapping his arms around him like he wants to.]
...h-hey, Saihara-chan, this is okay right? Stay asleep if it is, okay?
[That totally counts as permission. If it really bothered him, he would wake up! It's not like he's the familiar body and weight that Shuichi would be used to, so he'd definitely wake up if he cared...]
[Of course he can pick locks here too, of course. Except, no, he can't. It honestly hadn't taken Shuichi long to see through that particular lie. Perhaps if Kokichi hadn't messed with the virtual reality projections on his walls every time he snuck in with breakfast, it would have taken him a little longer, but...he's pretty sure the truth is that Kokichi gave himself room access. He knew the other boy had messed with his communicator the first time they went to the public baths together, clearly he hadn't JUST been sneaking a peek at his bingo card as he'd claimed.]
[A normal person probably would have revoked access once they'd figured that out, but...well, it's Shuichi. Yes, it's really dangerous to let someone like Kokichi Oma have free access to your room, and he DEFINITELY wouldn't have given it to him if he'd asked, but...if he took it away now, the leader would surely just try and steal his watch again. Or, worse yet, he'd REALLY learn how to pick electronic locks, and that's just not something Shuichi can let happen in good conscience. Nobody needs that.]
[So he'd made the ill-advised decision not to do anything about it and just tried his best not to give Kokichi a reason to leave any particularly mean-spirited surprises in his room.]
[But that's neither here nor there, at the moment, since Shuichi has no idea that he's no longer alone in his room. He doesn't hear little bare feet creeping across his room, nor does he feel a slight weight on the mattress as the intruder slips into bed with him and under his covers. Even as Kokichi watches him, he slumbers on, peacefully and without a care in the world.]
[They really should consider getting Shuichi an alarm system or something. Somebody could break in and murder him and that would be that.]
M-mnn...
[At least he does seem to be vaguely aware that somebody is touching him. Maybe even that someone is whispering, who can say. He frowns slightly as Kokichi's fingers grip his shirt, and for the briefest moment it looks like he might wake up.]
[But he doesn't. He gives a sleepy little whine and rolls over onto his side and kind of lazily throws his arm over the smaller body next to him and pulls him a little closer with a content sigh.]
[Kokichi was 100% correct.]
[Kaede DOES sneak into bed with him.]
[A lot.]
[So much so, that it's gotten to a point where Shuichi's muscles will just kind of unconsciously react while he snoozes on. Kind of like how some people will turn an alarm clock off without waking up. He's just used to it by now. Even the size difference goes unnoticed by his unconscious mind. Yup, this is Kaede, alright. Time to snuggle, business as usual, no need to wake up.]
[He absolutely would have learned how to truly pick an electronic lock. Good call, Shuichi.
He holds his breath when it seems like he might wake up, but doesn't let it back out until a few moments after he's been pulled in. When he does let it out, it's with a shudder, matching the soft and upset trembling that's settled into his body. This is nice...it's really nice. It's just Shuichi turning over and laying an arm over him, nothing big, but it's still really nice. It's still him doing that of his on volition, without Kokichi needing to ask. Which...yes, just means that he's probably imagining that Kaede's in bed with him, but...
Then again, it's that fact that also makes this painful. For a few beats his fingers just grip tighter to his shirt before letting go completely, the boy finally wrapping him in as much of an embrace as he can manage. The detective isn't particularly buff, but his arms aren't particularly long either, but it's enough for him. It's enough to just cling to him like this, blinking back more tears as his heart aches over the whole situation. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should have stayed in bed and just dealt with it there. Then again, he hasn't been making good choices or coming up with good ideas since he got to the station, so maybe he deserves this...]
[To be fair, he's not really imagining anything. He's just...kind of under the impression that it's Kaede because that's always who it is.]
[Except this time, it's not. Which is going to be a bit of a surprise once Shuichi finally wakes up. Though that's probably several hours from now, judging by the way he quickly falls back into his peaceful, sleeping breathing from earlier.]
[Making the "good choice" and leaving may be a little easier said than done, however. While he's certainly no Takoma-chan, once Kokichi wraps his arms around him, Shuichi's grip tightens just enough to make escaping without waking him highly improbable. Heavy sleeper he may be, but there's no way he won't feel an escape attempt.]
[If Kokichi really wants to go back to his room, he's going to have to hope Shuichi lets him go and rolls back over onto his back at some point.]
[Fortunately for Kaede, Shuichi took his communicator off the moment that dumb little mascot popped up that morning. Meaning he hasn't seen a single one of her confessions.]
[Unfortunately for Kaede...Shuichi took his communicator off the moment that dumb little mascot popped up that morning. Meaning he doesn't know that she wants him to come over.]
[He doesn't know what that little imp means, but he's pretty sure it's nothing good. Just look at that thing. So untrustworthy.]
[Sure, it meant that neither of his friends could get a hold of him if they needed him, but you know, he kind of assumed they'd both do the same thing. Plus, they both have access to his room and seem to have no problem with just showing up whenever the hell they want. If they needed or wanted to talk to him, surely they'd just come over.]
[So, uh...unfortunately she's not getting a response, even to her more serious text. Because he's just laying on his bed, reading. The same thing he's been doing all day. So if she wants to talk, she's going to have to come over and just go for it.]
[After the whole stupid cupid thing, he's had lots of time to think. Be annoyed with himself for going through with it, thinking that he could stop himself from telling the truth. Be irritated with some of the conversations, delighted by some of the others, but there were two in specific that kept coming to mind. One of them - the one with Mikan - wasn't so bad. It was almost nice, being honest about his feelings for Shuichi, but part of him still regretted it. Still wished he could have kept that to himself.
The other one...was the one with Kaede. And while a small part of him still stands by his words, tells him he shouldn't regret saying any of that because Kaede needs to change, most of him...really hates himself for it. Really wishes he could just shut up for once, stop caring about how he feels in regards to them - Shuichi especially - and keep his nose out of it. He planned to, but it shouldn't have been after making such a mistake like that. He should have done that from the start. He shouldn't have said anything at all, because it's not like he has room to talk. He's worse than her, after all...he's terrible. He's a monster. He didn't just hurt Shuichi, he hurt everyone, but the detective was still part of that. Whether it was worse for him or not is hard to really know...but it didn't matter. He had certainly hurt him far worse than she had.
And he just made himself sick, thinking about it. Admitting it all to her like that, really facing what he did like that, comparing it to her...why do either of them still want to associate with him...
And the more he thought about it, the guiltier he felt. And he didn't deal with guilt well. It's not like he's ever had a reason to feel this guilty before? He's felt bad when his plans got some of his subordinates hurt before, or when he'd said something that had actually hurt their feelings or something, but....those were nothing like this. Nothing like what he'd done in the game. And it was all easily smoothed over. He could actually do things to make it up to them. Take care of them and their wounds, get them stuff that would make them smile, spend time with them to cheer them up...
Things like that...well. He can't even do that with anyone that he'd killed (he'd killed them, not hurt them, killed them), and would any of that even be enough anyway? Would apologies be enough? He doesn't even feel like his apology to Shuichi was adequate enough now. He hadn't even actually apologized for anything! He'd listed off a couple things - the larger things - and then copped out with, "oh I could list the rest if you want"! What the hell was that? What the hell kind of coward is he? Oma Kokichi, Super High School Level Supreme Leader, was no coward, and yet...that's all he gave Shuichi. The boy he supposedly loved so, so much. Who was supposedly so, so dear to him. That's all he gave him for the monstrous, awful things he did.
And here he was now, curled in his cabin for days, ignoring his communicator, ignoring his hunger, ignoring his everything just because he felt awful and was scared to face him. He couldn't even be honest when Shuichi had come to check up on him, and that of course only made him feel worse. Why had he? Surely Kaede talked to him, even if she didn't bring up her nightmares. Why wouldn't she? So he had to have known that he had been mean and heartless to her, that he'd told her about all the terrible things he did in the killing game...he doesn't deserve the detective worrying or caring about him...and he hates that the only thing he can do to try and change that is just. Apologize. All he can give him are words, which don't even mean anything from a liar like him.
But he'll do it anyway, because there's nothing else he can do. He knows sitting there and clawing and chipping away at himself for it won't ever make anything better and, worse, would just soak up more of that worry and care that Shuichi shouldn't be giving him in the first place. So eventually he pulls himself out of bed and showers - the first shower he's had in days - and gets dressed. His stomach's still in knots, so he skips getting anything to eat and just heads over to the detective's cabin.
There's a click of the door unlocking to let the other boy know someone's there, but whoever it is doesn't enter immediately. There's actually a lengthy pause, like maybe they've changed their mind, followed by a soft knock and an even softer voice. Not his volume, but the tone itself.]
Saihara-chan...? Are you home? And...is Akamatsu-chan there...?
[It's not exactly unusual to go a few days without seeing Kokichi, so Shuichi honestly doesn't think much of his absence. He'd seemed fine when he'd gone to check on him...or fine enough, at least. He wasn't having a meltdown over being forced to tell the truth, as Shuichi had feared. But still, he can't have enjoyed the experience, so Shuichi wouldn't be surprised if the leader had holed himself up in the arcade again for a round or two of binge gaming to cheer himself up.]
[Or, perhaps he was out seeking revenge on whoever was responsible for that glitch. Either way, the detective didn't see a reason to be overly worried.]
[Clearly, he'd been mistaken in that assumption.]
[Because for Kokichi to knock, rather than just come barging in; for him to speak in such a soft tone, rather than his usual carefree one...something must be wrong.]
[Shuichi is in the living area of his cabin, table pushed out of the way so that he can lie down on the floor and...do sit ups, apparently. That's really the only explanation for the position he's in when Kokichi opens the door. He's had to adjust his training schedule since coming here, with so many nights spent in Kaede's company. Now he just kind of does it...whenever he has time during the day, rather than waiting until nightfall.]
[After a moment of staring at the door in surprise, Shuichi gets to his feet, looking at the smaller boy in his doorway with an expression of concern. He's dressed in a t-shirt, shorts, and socks, and unless Kaede is in the bathroom, a single glance around the tiny cabin should be enough to answer Kokichi's question. She's not here.]
No, she's not...why? Did you need to talk to her? Is something wrong?
[He's pretty sure the answer to that is yes, just judging by Kokichi's tone but the question is out of his mouth before he can stop himself.]
[He does look around the cabin once he's able to, almost nervously, expecting her to be on the couch or sitting on the bed or something...but he's relieved when he doesn't see her, and even more so when Shuichi confirms that she's not there. There's a shake of his head.]
No I...wanted to talk to you. Preferably alone, so...
[So that's why he was wondering if she's here.]
Can I come in?
[He at least doesn't look too terrible. Though he doesn't look great either. While it's definitely nothing compared to those dark rings from before they'd learned about his nightmares, he does seem to be suffering from a little lack of sleep. Then again, binge gaming at the arcade always results in that, because he...will play games for days straight with no sleep. Because what is taking care of yourself? But beyond that, he's not even bothering trying to hide behind his usual smile. He looks tired and wrung out, and that is something that should be concerning.]
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diffidentive) wrote2017-11-13 11:58 am
Text; 11/18 v3 spoilers
He knew he needed to apologize, and he wanted to, but...would it really matter? You're alone and you always will be... Those words weighed heavily on his mind, and made him second guess if he should even try talking to Shuichi. It's not like they had been able to make amends before he died. Hell, he'd only made things worse and worse after that point. Purposefully, of course; it had been part of his plan, and that plan had been important. But he hadn't exactly factored meeting up with the detective in the afterlife as part of that master plan...and sure, he had been pleasant enough when the three of them were talking, but that's just how Shuichi is. He wouldn't have wanted to cause any unnecessary drama right in front of Kaede, and he was polite enough to want to keep any of their friends - or...former friends, in his case - in the loop on what happened in the end...
But...even if Shuichi didn't want to talk to him, he had to at least apologize. So after his good amount of sleep and a shower, he shoots Shuichi a text. Thank god he had something to use as an excuse to see him too.]
Hey Saihara-chan, are you free?
No big deal if you aren't, but I've got something I want to give you.
I promise it's nothing from the space station so no lube or porn or anything, but it's something I feel you should have, rather than me.
Let me know when you're available and I can come drop by and give it to you.
[.........hopefully Shuichi had figured out all the messaging functions on his watch by now...]
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[So Kokichi actually doesn't have to wait very long for a response. Lucky him!]
Right now is fine. Are you still at the arcade?
[He is not sure that he 100% buys that whatever Kokichi has to give him isn't something wildly inappropriate. This is Kokichi, after all, you kind of have to take his promises with a grain of salt. He will not be surprised if this turns out to be a lie and Kokichi shows up to throw confetti and a box of glow in the dark condoms at him or something.]
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Yeah, but I'll have to stop by my room to pick up the goods.
[In case you were thinking of performing the transaction at the arcade which he does not prefer you do!!! He is not apologizing to you in front of the employees here...
Also wow, won't you feel bad thinking that when you see the great gift he's got for you. It is so much better than glow in the dark condoms and that's saying something. Glow in the dark condoms are awesome.]
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[But yes, he was assuming that he could just go up to the arcade for "the goods". Why wouldn't he? It's Kokichi, it's not like he's going to tell him anything particularly sensitive as a part of this mystery present of his. Since when does he handle anything other than his ~evil schemes~ in private?]
Okay. Is there somewhere else you want me to meet you, then?
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before the end of the december event, morning
There's only a beat of hesitation before she shifts closer, wrapping her arms around him and burying her nose against him. Her hair is still wet from the shower she'd just taken, and she's shivering very slightly, but hopefully it's not enough to wake him.]
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[Likewise, the additional weight on his mattress does nothing to stir him from his slumber. It's not until Kaede is curled up next to him that he finally reacts. But even then, he doesn't wake up. He just gives a soft, sleepy hum and shifts a little closer to her.]
[...yeah, she's going to have to purposefully try to wake him if she wants to talk. Otherwise, he'll probably be out cold for a few more hours.]
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She's... not going back to sleep, not any time soon. So it's not weird to just watch him sleep, right? And listen to his heartbeat? It's just such a soothing melody.
So yeah, she's going to just lay there next to him until he does finally wake up, or at least start stirring. That's not weird, right? Just laying there, stroking his hair and watching him sleep?]
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[It's several hours before he finally starts to stir, though at least it's earlier than normal, by Shuichi standards. Seems at some point the hair stroking actually was enough to wake him. Or at least enough to start rousing him. His eyebrows knit together a little in what is likely half-awake confusion and he murmurs unintelligibly before his eyes flutter open.]
[For a few seconds, he looks at Kaede in dazed, sleepy surprise, through half-lidded eyes. But once his brain is awake enough to actually make sense of things, he suddenly becomes less hazy and smiles softly.]
Good morning... [This isn't the first time Kaede has snuck into his room in the middle of the night to cuddle with him, so he's not particularly surprised to see her. He's gotten used to it by now. So instead of asking why she's here, he just leans in for a quick good morning kiss.]
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sometime during Kaede's before the december event end thread; text
I'd like to talk, and it's kind of important.
I know it's early, sorry.
I'll buy you breakfast to make up for it~
[The last line probably takes away from how serious this kind of is, but it's just not like him to leave something as serious as that. Even if...it really was important, and needed to be taken that way. But then again, he was already kind of fearful as to what Shuichi would think or say about what he had to tell him, so maybe it was nervousness adding in that playful line too...
I slept with your girlfriend. The detective was forgiving, but would he be willing to look past that? Especially since...it...seriously sounded like he'd taken her virginity. "Something lots of people have tried to steal, but nobody has"...what else could that be? Surely, even in a fantasy world like that, she'd be in love with Shuichi, so the line about taking her heart couldn't have been the truth. Just playful banter. And he could easily see the two of them taking upwards of a few months to actually do the deed...
What was he even thinking? Why did he do that? After all that talk about how they should be together, how they were perfect for one another, how they needed to play the game with each other...someone point him to the nearest airlock, he feels like he'll want to toss himself out of it by the time this conversation is over.]
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[Mostly because there is no response from Shuichi. Not immediately, anyway. Not even several minutes later. Because even if Kaede hadn't come to talk to him first...Shuichi doesn't sleep with his communicator on. Meaning Kokichi's message is received by no one.]
[And once he and Kaede have talked things through...he goes back to sleep. Still...without so much as touching his communicator.]
[Meaning Kokichi's looking at a good hour or two of radio silence from the detective. Because it's not until he's leaving his room to go investigate the trees (perhaps with Kaede, if she's so inclined to help him with the mystery of the malfunctioning memories) that he finally reads the message.]
[Shit.]
Sorry, Oma-kun! I didn't have my watch on so I just saw this...
Are you still in your room?
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She already talked to him. Of course she did, he knew she would, but she definitely already talked to him. He's ignoring him now, isn't he? He hates him. They both hate him. Why is he even--
Oh. Okay, it was just...he just didn't have his watch on, that makes sense. Who sleeps with a watch on? Everything is fine, even if his life was definitely shortened twenty years.]
Don't worry about it~!
I am, yeah.
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[That's actually a little concerning. Which is why he doesn't respond a second time, but rather walks down the hallway to Kokichi's cabin and knocks on the door.]
[That was fast.]
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2/4; Action
This time it was different. It was the middle of the night rather than merely the early hours of the morning, and there were still fresh tears refusing to go away prickling at the corners of his eyes and dripping from his chin. He'd asked a few times already to cuddle with his friends before, but he'd never really needed it beyond nightmare prevention. Nights when he slept on his own and had nightmares he'd simply stay awake afterward, focus on something else, deal with it on his own. Sometimes he'd text Kaede but not often.
This was the worst one though...the nightmare that always got him, that he couldn't ever actually tell them about, that was hardest to ignore and forget and distract himself from. That's why he was cracking, giving in and seeking out some form of comfort. Once he was sure Shuichi was still asleep, he clicked the door shut behind and slipped out of his shoes, then made his way over to the other boy's bed. He had to wonder how his friend would react in the morning as he very carefully slipped under the covers. Would he be mad? Upset? It's not like he wasn't allowed to cuddle with him, but he's supposed to ask first, not just sneak in like this...
Maybe he'd get a good chance to tease him out of it. "Oh, you don't remember? How cruel~ We slept together, you know! That's why we're curled up like this~" Then again, maybe not. That might be too painful of a lie to tell. He'd think about it again in the morning, and instead focus on the now. At first he kept some space between them, just laying on his side and watching Shuichi sleep. Watching his chest rise and fall with his easy breathing, trying to slow his own down to match, maybe calm himself down that way...admiring his peaceful expression, and the features of his face. He can look without really being judged like this - aside from heavily judging himself - and so he does, once again trying to distract himself. Maybe try and separate this Shuichi from the one in his dream that always gives him such a cold, hateful and piercing glare...can this gentle person really make such an expression?
Well...of course he can. He already has, towards Kokichi at least. Frowning, he reaches a hand up to rub at his eyes, just willing himself to stop thinking about that. Okay, Plan C for "Forget about that nightmare". He scoots forward, closing the distance between them and hesitantly, carefully curls up against his side. He has to nudge Shuichi's arm out of the way a little, but that doesn't stop him. He's so light, there's no way he could wake him up like this, right? If Kaede can manages to sneak in here to sleep with him - and she must, he's convinced that she does - then he can too, easily. He's tiny and thin and light, Shuichi won't know that he's there. He tucks his cheek against his chest, choosing to ignore the fact that he's still crying and that'll surely get his shirt wet, and brings his hands up. His fingers curl slightly into the fabric of the other boy's nightshirt, rather than wrapping his arms around him like he wants to.]
...h-hey, Saihara-chan, this is okay right? Stay asleep if it is, okay?
[That totally counts as permission. If it really bothered him, he would wake up! It's not like he's the familiar body and weight that Shuichi would be used to, so he'd definitely wake up if he cared...]
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[A normal person probably would have revoked access once they'd figured that out, but...well, it's Shuichi. Yes, it's really dangerous to let someone like Kokichi Oma have free access to your room, and he DEFINITELY wouldn't have given it to him if he'd asked, but...if he took it away now, the leader would surely just try and steal his watch again. Or, worse yet, he'd REALLY learn how to pick electronic locks, and that's just not something Shuichi can let happen in good conscience. Nobody needs that.]
[So he'd made the ill-advised decision not to do anything about it and just tried his best not to give Kokichi a reason to leave any particularly mean-spirited surprises in his room.]
[But that's neither here nor there, at the moment, since Shuichi has no idea that he's no longer alone in his room. He doesn't hear little bare feet creeping across his room, nor does he feel a slight weight on the mattress as the intruder slips into bed with him and under his covers. Even as Kokichi watches him, he slumbers on, peacefully and without a care in the world.]
[They really should consider getting Shuichi an alarm system or something. Somebody could break in and murder him and that would be that.]
M-mnn...
[At least he does seem to be vaguely aware that somebody is touching him. Maybe even that someone is whispering, who can say. He frowns slightly as Kokichi's fingers grip his shirt, and for the briefest moment it looks like he might wake up.]
[But he doesn't. He gives a sleepy little whine and rolls over onto his side and kind of lazily throws his arm over the smaller body next to him and pulls him a little closer with a content sigh.]
[Kokichi was 100% correct.]
[Kaede DOES sneak into bed with him.]
[A lot.]
[So much so, that it's gotten to a point where Shuichi's muscles will just kind of unconsciously react while he snoozes on. Kind of like how some people will turn an alarm clock off without waking up. He's just used to it by now. Even the size difference goes unnoticed by his unconscious mind. Yup, this is Kaede, alright. Time to snuggle, business as usual, no need to wake up.]
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He holds his breath when it seems like he might wake up, but doesn't let it back out until a few moments after he's been pulled in. When he does let it out, it's with a shudder, matching the soft and upset trembling that's settled into his body. This is nice...it's really nice. It's just Shuichi turning over and laying an arm over him, nothing big, but it's still really nice. It's still him doing that of his on volition, without Kokichi needing to ask. Which...yes, just means that he's probably imagining that Kaede's in bed with him, but...
Then again, it's that fact that also makes this painful. For a few beats his fingers just grip tighter to his shirt before letting go completely, the boy finally wrapping him in as much of an embrace as he can manage. The detective isn't particularly buff, but his arms aren't particularly long either, but it's enough for him. It's enough to just cling to him like this, blinking back more tears as his heart aches over the whole situation. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should have stayed in bed and just dealt with it there. Then again, he hasn't been making good choices or coming up with good ideas since he got to the station, so maybe he deserves this...]
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[Except this time, it's not. Which is going to be a bit of a surprise once Shuichi finally wakes up. Though that's probably several hours from now, judging by the way he quickly falls back into his peaceful, sleeping breathing from earlier.]
[Making the "good choice" and leaving may be a little easier said than done, however. While he's certainly no Takoma-chan, once Kokichi wraps his arms around him, Shuichi's grip tightens just enough to make escaping without waking him highly improbable. Heavy sleeper he may be, but there's no way he won't feel an escape attempt.]
[If Kokichi really wants to go back to his room, he's going to have to hope Shuichi lets him go and rolls back over onto his back at some point.]
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2/15, after the stpuid cpuid 1/???
2/???
I'm kind of jealous that your eyelashes are longer than mine.
And your butt is better, too!! Do you do squats in secret or something?? ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ
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Aaaaah jeez. Ignore all those messages!! I mean, I meant them, but ignore them anyway!!
Can you come over later?
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[Unfortunately for Kaede...Shuichi took his communicator off the moment that dumb little mascot popped up that morning. Meaning he doesn't know that she wants him to come over.]
[He doesn't know what that little imp means, but he's pretty sure it's nothing good. Just look at that thing. So untrustworthy.]
[Sure, it meant that neither of his friends could get a hold of him if they needed him, but you know, he kind of assumed they'd both do the same thing. Plus, they both have access to his room and seem to have no problem with just showing up whenever the hell they want. If they needed or wanted to talk to him, surely they'd just come over.]
[So, uh...unfortunately she's not getting a response, even to her more serious text. Because he's just laying on his bed, reading. The same thing he's been doing all day. So if she wants to talk, she's going to have to come over and just go for it.]
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2/18; action
The other one...was the one with Kaede. And while a small part of him still stands by his words, tells him he shouldn't regret saying any of that because Kaede needs to change, most of him...really hates himself for it. Really wishes he could just shut up for once, stop caring about how he feels in regards to them - Shuichi especially - and keep his nose out of it. He planned to, but it shouldn't have been after making such a mistake like that. He should have done that from the start. He shouldn't have said anything at all, because it's not like he has room to talk. He's worse than her, after all...he's terrible. He's a monster. He didn't just hurt Shuichi, he hurt everyone, but the detective was still part of that. Whether it was worse for him or not is hard to really know...but it didn't matter. He had certainly hurt him far worse than she had.
And he just made himself sick, thinking about it. Admitting it all to her like that, really facing what he did like that, comparing it to her...why do either of them still want to associate with him...
And the more he thought about it, the guiltier he felt. And he didn't deal with guilt well. It's not like he's ever had a reason to feel this guilty before? He's felt bad when his plans got some of his subordinates hurt before, or when he'd said something that had actually hurt their feelings or something, but....those were nothing like this. Nothing like what he'd done in the game. And it was all easily smoothed over. He could actually do things to make it up to them. Take care of them and their wounds, get them stuff that would make them smile, spend time with them to cheer them up...
Things like that...well. He can't even do that with anyone that he'd killed (he'd killed them, not hurt them, killed them), and would any of that even be enough anyway? Would apologies be enough? He doesn't even feel like his apology to Shuichi was adequate enough now. He hadn't even actually apologized for anything! He'd listed off a couple things - the larger things - and then copped out with, "oh I could list the rest if you want"! What the hell was that? What the hell kind of coward is he? Oma Kokichi, Super High School Level Supreme Leader, was no coward, and yet...that's all he gave Shuichi. The boy he supposedly loved so, so much. Who was supposedly so, so dear to him. That's all he gave him for the monstrous, awful things he did.
And here he was now, curled in his cabin for days, ignoring his communicator, ignoring his hunger, ignoring his everything just because he felt awful and was scared to face him. He couldn't even be honest when Shuichi had come to check up on him, and that of course only made him feel worse. Why had he? Surely Kaede talked to him, even if she didn't bring up her nightmares. Why wouldn't she? So he had to have known that he had been mean and heartless to her, that he'd told her about all the terrible things he did in the killing game...he doesn't deserve the detective worrying or caring about him...and he hates that the only thing he can do to try and change that is just. Apologize. All he can give him are words, which don't even mean anything from a liar like him.
But he'll do it anyway, because there's nothing else he can do. He knows sitting there and clawing and chipping away at himself for it won't ever make anything better and, worse, would just soak up more of that worry and care that Shuichi shouldn't be giving him in the first place. So eventually he pulls himself out of bed and showers - the first shower he's had in days - and gets dressed. His stomach's still in knots, so he skips getting anything to eat and just heads over to the detective's cabin.
There's a click of the door unlocking to let the other boy know someone's there, but whoever it is doesn't enter immediately. There's actually a lengthy pause, like maybe they've changed their mind, followed by a soft knock and an even softer voice. Not his volume, but the tone itself.]
Saihara-chan...? Are you home? And...is Akamatsu-chan there...?
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[Or, perhaps he was out seeking revenge on whoever was responsible for that glitch. Either way, the detective didn't see a reason to be overly worried.]
[Clearly, he'd been mistaken in that assumption.]
[Because for Kokichi to knock, rather than just come barging in; for him to speak in such a soft tone, rather than his usual carefree one...something must be wrong.]
[Shuichi is in the living area of his cabin, table pushed out of the way so that he can lie down on the floor and...do sit ups, apparently. That's really the only explanation for the position he's in when Kokichi opens the door. He's had to adjust his training schedule since coming here, with so many nights spent in Kaede's company. Now he just kind of does it...whenever he has time during the day, rather than waiting until nightfall.]
[After a moment of staring at the door in surprise, Shuichi gets to his feet, looking at the smaller boy in his doorway with an expression of concern. He's dressed in a t-shirt, shorts, and socks, and unless Kaede is in the bathroom, a single glance around the tiny cabin should be enough to answer Kokichi's question. She's not here.]
No, she's not...why? Did you need to talk to her? Is something wrong?
[He's pretty sure the answer to that is yes, just judging by Kokichi's tone but the question is out of his mouth before he can stop himself.]
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No I...wanted to talk to you. Preferably alone, so...
[So that's why he was wondering if she's here.]
Can I come in?
[He at least doesn't look too terrible. Though he doesn't look great either. While it's definitely nothing compared to those dark rings from before they'd learned about his nightmares, he does seem to be suffering from a little lack of sleep. Then again, binge gaming at the arcade always results in that, because he...will play games for days straight with no sleep. Because what is taking care of yourself? But beyond that, he's not even bothering trying to hide behind his usual smile. He looks tired and wrung out, and that is something that should be concerning.]
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eventually i will have an icon that's a look of mild surprise instead of near-heart attack shock...
should i make you some while i'm making some kokichi ones??
nah, just kick my butt into working on my manga coloring
okay!!!
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