[Just as quickly as they came, the false tears left, replaced by another laugh and smile.]
Except that's a lie! My mom hugged me all the time! I'm just shameless through and through~ Or maybe that's a lie too. Maybe I never knew my mom at all! Nishishi~ But I really am an attention whore. I'm used to my subordinates showering me with love and affection all the time, so this is just a totally bizarre situation for me! Do you see what kind of hardships I have to put up with as a Supreme Leader?
[Judging by Shuichi's expression when Kokichi calls himself an attention whore...he noticed. He's not sure he would have used the word "attention whore" specifically, but definitely guessed that the leader enjoys being the center of attention. Even if it's the center of only a single person's attention, rather than a whole group.]
[But for Kokichi to just outright admit that...jeez, he really is shameless, huh?]
...being showered with love and affection is a hardship?
Non non, without DICE here, there is nobody to shower me with love and affection. That's the hardship!
[It's only half that he's actually as shameless as he says, really - which he really is - and half to make a joke of those uncomfortable, lonely feelings. If he calls himself an attention whore and just makes light of the whole thing, it'll trivialize the loneliness part.
And clearly that works when Shuichi seems to just agree and move on.]
I guess that just means you'll have to make up for what they cannot provide, Saihara-chan~! Lucky for you I'm suuuuper easy to please. Just swear your undying loyalty to me, and promise to take care of my every possible need! Meaning taking showers with me, reminding me how great of a leader I am on a constant basis, feeding me dinner, massaging my sore muscles after a successful heist, you know. Typical evil subordinate things. They'll be so happy that you've taken such good care of me in their absence that they probably won't even torture you that badly for kidnapping me, nishishi!
Um...I'm not your evil subordinate though. [Ergo, he does not have to do these things. Sorry, Kokichi, not happening. At least not to the absurd degree that you want.] I'm not the person who kidnapped you either, so they shouldn't torture me in the first place.
[Though he's pretty sure "torture" for DICE means pranks, rather than the traditional definition. So...honestly, he's even LESS worried.]
Well they don't know that~ I could totally blackmail you with that, you know! [He offers him a brilliant grin, reaching up to poke him teasingly in the chest.]
They'll listen and believe whatever I say~ And even if they don't believe me because I'm probably lying, they'll still go along with torturing you if I tell them to! Now if you were part of my organization, that'd probably ensure your safety, y'know? So are you suuuuuuure you want to tell me you're not my evil subordinate?
[Dammit, Kokichi blocked the argument he was going to make. Sure, they don't know that, but the leader also said they're the only people who always know when he's lying. Ergo, they would know Shuichi didn't really kidnap him. But apparently that doesn't matter because they just do whatever he says anyway.]
[Of course...this is all assuming that the members of DICE are real people; a thought which floats through the back of Shuichi's mind despite his best efforts to ignore that possibility.]
Mmm, I'm sure. I'm not much of a thief or a prankster, so...I wouldn't be a be a very good fit. I'd probably be completely useless as an evil subordinate. [Especially since he's not evil. But, then again, neither is Kokichi. Not really. He's just an asshole.]
But, you know I don't have to be your subordinate to take care of you. I can do that as your friend too. [Technically, he already is. You know, since he's supporting Kokichi financially so he doesn't have to play bingo anymore.] I'm not going to feed you or any of those other things, but I can make up for some of the attention you're missing by spending time with you and doing other things.
Consider being my secretary though! Or my cute lap boy I bring out when I'm trying to make clients jealous~ Though I guess I'd be the one sitting in your lap if that were the case. No offense, but I'm way too tiny for the other way around. You could be the errand boy too, you know! Getting me soda whenever I need it!
[He says this as if these are all totally things that he has, as if DICE isn't the small group that Shuichi knows it is. Like he's still the leader of a huge organization. He hums a little though, rolling back over onto his side for now.]
Of course I know that, though. But being my subordinate would make it a lot easier to ask you for stuff, y'know? Because then it'd be your job! I'm really good at handing out tasks and demands to people who's job it is to complete them! That's part of my talent, after all!
[And, as they both know, he's not that great at asking friends for support. Something that was painfully obvious during the killing game but still carried over to the space station too. Even now, he really only ever asks Shuichi for the very bare necessities, trying to be as little of a burden as possible.]
[Yes, it was and still is painfully obvious that this is something Kokichi struggles with. It's really kind of sad, actually.]
I don't want you to think that the only way I'll agree to do something for you is if I'm obligated to. I know that's probably what makes it easier for you to ask for help, but...I already told you I'd do whatever I can to help you, right? So it shouldn't be hard for you to ask me for help as a friend, because as long as it's something reasonable, I'll do it.
["Unreasonable" being...murder, basically. That's pretty much the one thing he won't do for a friend.]
I'll do it because you're my friend and I want to, not because I'm your subordinate and I have to. [See the difference?] So, again, I'm going to have to pass. On...all of those job offerings...to be honest...
[Especially lap boy because what the fuck, Kokichi. Why was that even a suggestion?]
[There's a momentary pause where the most Kokichi does is give Shuichi's blanket a blank stare, sort of picking at it a little, rubbing the fabric between his fingers and thumb. He's...at least giving it some thought? Or it looks like he is anyway. But the moment is over fairly quick and rolls back onto his back, grinning up at his friend.]
Silly Saihara-chan, that's pretty obvious! I mean, you are letting me just lounge in your lap like some contented lover after all~ Obviously if you didn't mean what you said, you would have pushed me off when I initially laid down, right?
[This is followed by a scandalized gasp, the leader's eyes wide and full of (fake) fear as his hands move to cover his mouth.]
Unless secretly you're trying to get me to let my guard down so that you can do...things to my body while you have me here! I know I'm oh-so-desirable, but I would have never expected that from you! Oh what has this place done to you, my beloved Saihara-chan~!
[The dramatics end with him clutching his heart, face turning away with a look of (fake) pain in his expression, as if he is simply heartbroken. Heartbroken to know that Shuichi's innocence has been stolen from him. How awful!]
[Oh, good. He's giving it some thought. Good, that's exactly what he was hoping f--]
[Goddammit, Kokichi.]
N-no, that's not what I'm doing...
[It's a little tempting to respond sarcastically, but he's pretty sure that a comment like "things like pushing you onto the floor?" would just earn him some very loud crocodile tears.]
[That's exactly what it would earn. There's a split second of surprise that crosses his expression before he's grinning again, looking back up at him.]
I knew that of course! That's why I trust Saihara-chan so much! I'd never lay down like this in the lap of some pervert.
[................probably.]
Don't worry, I 100% believe in your purity! When you and Akamatsu-chan get married, I'll fight anyone who says you aren't allowed to wear a white wedding gown on your special day!
Okay, well I know that's a lie since you've seen my card. [Virginity square, remember?] But thanks for the sentiment, I guess? Even though I wouldn't be the one wearing the dress in that situation...
[Hypothetically speaking and all. Since it's not like he's really given the idea of marriage much thought.]
No, it's totally the truth! It's really important you wear white on your special day. Really important.
[That last part is said with the emphasis of someone planning a joke or a prank, so the purity part was a lie, but defending his right to wear white maybe wasn't?]
But awwww, you'd look so pretty in it! And think of how dashing Akamatsu-chan would look in the suit!
[Okay he's now making a mental note to let Kaede know that she needs to go with a colored wedding dress if they ever get married because Kokichi will probably throw paint on her or something if she wears a white one. He clearly has something devious in mind.]
I'm sure she would, [Kaede looks good in everything? She also looks good in nothing.] but I think she'd prefer to be the one in the dress. Call it a hunch.
[Kokichi, surely you know how much she likes clothes shopping. Haven't the two of you done that together a few times by now? There's way more selection with dresses than there are with suits.]
[How could you ruin his fun before it even had a chance to start? So cruel!]
I don't know. I bet I could pitch the idea to her.
[He gets up, standing on the floor beside the bed to stand as tall as he can, shoulders back, looking proud and refined.]
Tell her to imagine herself standing tall beside you, sharp suit fitted around her shoulders, tailored to her curves to give her a powerful look. Iiii'd make it white, probably, with pink accents. That would definitely be your guys' wedding color, pink. Not because of her, but just because it's pretty fitting. But anyway, imagine it! Precious stone cufflinks in a pink color, with a rose vest over a black button up, a sort of mauve or bubblegum colored tie underneath? Just enough to give it less of that stuffy traditional feel.
[And then he plays the part of the blushing bride, tucking some of his hair behind his ear while his other hand moves out as if he's holding a skirt.]
And her handsome, adorable Saihara-chan dressed up in lace! Just a sort of blush pink color, very light, very subdued. Sleeveless, but still collared so your chest and collarbones are covered, probably with a much thinner lace up top so your skin peeks through but of course something solid to cover your chest. You'd be waaaaayyy too shy to show that off, I bet. Long gloves though, with the fingers exposed so you can still appreciate the whole ring thing. Hmmmm...maybe a ballgown style skirt...I think you've probably got the hips and butt to pull off a mermaid style but that just doesn't really seem to be your style. At least not for something like a wedding. Maybe an evening or party dress though. But I bet she'd totally love it!
Especially when I bring up the veil, hiding those blushing cheeks of yours, and how shy and cute you'd be!
[Holy fucking hell, Kokichi. In the few minutes it took you to come up with all that, you've already put more thought into Shuichi's hypothetical wedding than he has.]
[He glances over at the detective, tilting his head curiously as if to say, "What?" That lasts only a moment before his face splits into a grin and he jumps back onto the bed, once again claiming his lap with a round of laughing.]
Oh man you should see your face, Saihara-chan! You look like you actually believe that I've given your wedding any thought! All I did was describe a picture I'd seen in a magazine, you shouldn't take everything I say so seriously.
[That's a lie, but he doesn't need to admit to Shuichi that he's a bit of a hopeless romantic, and thinking about things like that is something he does on occasion...]
[Shuichi receives a mischievous smirk over the smaller boy's shoulder.]
Maybe I was dead serious about all that, and have even thought about other details for your wedding already! Maybe, deep down, I want to be a wedding planner when I grow up? Quit the hard life of being a super evil leader that controls the world and settle down into something just as hectic, but less malicious! Pursue my passion: planning special days for couples with no imagination that will likely divorce in a year!
[He kicks his feet idly behind him, careful not to kick either of them up far enough to reach the detective.]
Yes, serving lovesick, brainless morons who do nothing but scream at me all day because the tiniest detail that literally nobody else but them would notice is incorrect is definitely what I want to do with the rest of my life.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
diffidentive) wrote2017-11-13 11:58 am
done
Except that's a lie! My mom hugged me all the time! I'm just shameless through and through~ Or maybe that's a lie too. Maybe I never knew my mom at all! Nishishi~ But I really am an attention whore. I'm used to my subordinates showering me with love and affection all the time, so this is just a totally bizarre situation for me! Do you see what kind of hardships I have to put up with as a Supreme Leader?
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[But for Kokichi to just outright admit that...jeez, he really is shameless, huh?]
...being showered with love and affection is a hardship?
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[It's only half that he's actually as shameless as he says, really - which he really is - and half to make a joke of those uncomfortable, lonely feelings. If he calls himself an attention whore and just makes light of the whole thing, it'll trivialize the loneliness part.
And clearly that works when Shuichi seems to just agree and move on.]
I guess that just means you'll have to make up for what they cannot provide, Saihara-chan~! Lucky for you I'm suuuuper easy to please. Just swear your undying loyalty to me, and promise to take care of my every possible need! Meaning taking showers with me, reminding me how great of a leader I am on a constant basis, feeding me dinner, massaging my sore muscles after a successful heist, you know. Typical evil subordinate things. They'll be so happy that you've taken such good care of me in their absence that they probably won't even torture you that badly for kidnapping me, nishishi!
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[Okay, yeah, that makes a lot more sense.]
Um...I'm not your evil subordinate though. [Ergo, he does not have to do these things. Sorry, Kokichi, not happening. At least not to the absurd degree that you want.] I'm not the person who kidnapped you either, so they shouldn't torture me in the first place.
[Though he's pretty sure "torture" for DICE means pranks, rather than the traditional definition. So...honestly, he's even LESS worried.]
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They'll listen and believe whatever I say~ And even if they don't believe me because I'm probably lying, they'll still go along with torturing you if I tell them to! Now if you were part of my organization, that'd probably ensure your safety, y'know? So are you suuuuuuure you want to tell me you're not my evil subordinate?
v3 spoilers
[Of course...this is all assuming that the members of DICE are real people; a thought which floats through the back of Shuichi's mind despite his best efforts to ignore that possibility.]
Mmm, I'm sure. I'm not much of a thief or a prankster, so...I wouldn't be a be a very good fit. I'd probably be completely useless as an evil subordinate. [Especially since he's not evil. But, then again, neither is Kokichi. Not really. He's just an asshole.]
But, you know I don't have to be your subordinate to take care of you. I can do that as your friend too. [Technically, he already is. You know, since he's supporting Kokichi financially so he doesn't have to play bingo anymore.] I'm not going to feed you or any of those other things, but I can make up for some of the attention you're missing by spending time with you and doing other things.
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[He says this as if these are all totally things that he has, as if DICE isn't the small group that Shuichi knows it is. Like he's still the leader of a huge organization. He hums a little though, rolling back over onto his side for now.]
Of course I know that, though. But being my subordinate would make it a lot easier to ask you for stuff, y'know? Because then it'd be your job! I'm really good at handing out tasks and demands to people who's job it is to complete them! That's part of my talent, after all!
[And, as they both know, he's not that great at asking friends for support. Something that was painfully obvious during the killing game but still carried over to the space station too. Even now, he really only ever asks Shuichi for the very bare necessities, trying to be as little of a burden as possible.]
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[Yes, it was and still is painfully obvious that this is something Kokichi struggles with. It's really kind of sad, actually.]
I don't want you to think that the only way I'll agree to do something for you is if I'm obligated to. I know that's probably what makes it easier for you to ask for help, but...I already told you I'd do whatever I can to help you, right? So it shouldn't be hard for you to ask me for help as a friend, because as long as it's something reasonable, I'll do it.
["Unreasonable" being...murder, basically. That's pretty much the one thing he won't do for a friend.]
I'll do it because you're my friend and I want to, not because I'm your subordinate and I have to. [See the difference?] So, again, I'm going to have to pass. On...all of those job offerings...to be honest...
[Especially lap boy because what the fuck, Kokichi. Why was that even a suggestion?]
1/2
Silly Saihara-chan, that's pretty obvious! I mean, you are letting me just lounge in your lap like some contented lover after all~ Obviously if you didn't mean what you said, you would have pushed me off when I initially laid down, right?
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Unless secretly you're trying to get me to let my guard down so that you can do...things to my body while you have me here! I know I'm oh-so-desirable, but I would have never expected that from you! Oh what has this place done to you, my beloved Saihara-chan~!
[The dramatics end with him clutching his heart, face turning away with a look of (fake) pain in his expression, as if he is simply heartbroken. Heartbroken to know that Shuichi's innocence has been stolen from him. How awful!]
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[Goddammit, Kokichi.]
N-no, that's not what I'm doing...
[It's a little tempting to respond sarcastically, but he's pretty sure that a comment like "things like pushing you onto the floor?" would just earn him some very loud crocodile tears.]
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I knew that of course! That's why I trust Saihara-chan so much! I'd never lay down like this in the lap of some pervert.
[................probably.]
Don't worry, I 100% believe in your purity! When you and Akamatsu-chan get married, I'll fight anyone who says you aren't allowed to wear a white wedding gown on your special day!
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[Hypothetically speaking and all. Since it's not like he's really given the idea of marriage much thought.]
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[That last part is said with the emphasis of someone planning a joke or a prank, so the purity part was a lie, but defending his right to wear white maybe wasn't?]
But awwww, you'd look so pretty in it! And think of how dashing Akamatsu-chan would look in the suit!
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I'm sure she would, [Kaede looks good in everything? She also looks good in nothing.] but I think she'd prefer to be the one in the dress. Call it a hunch.
[Kokichi, surely you know how much she likes clothes shopping. Haven't the two of you done that together a few times by now? There's way more selection with dresses than there are with suits.]
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I don't know. I bet I could pitch the idea to her.
[He gets up, standing on the floor beside the bed to stand as tall as he can, shoulders back, looking proud and refined.]
Tell her to imagine herself standing tall beside you, sharp suit fitted around her shoulders, tailored to her curves to give her a powerful look. Iiii'd make it white, probably, with pink accents. That would definitely be your guys' wedding color, pink. Not because of her, but just because it's pretty fitting. But anyway, imagine it! Precious stone cufflinks in a pink color, with a rose vest over a black button up, a sort of mauve or bubblegum colored tie underneath? Just enough to give it less of that stuffy traditional feel.
[And then he plays the part of the blushing bride, tucking some of his hair behind his ear while his other hand moves out as if he's holding a skirt.]
And her handsome, adorable Saihara-chan dressed up in lace! Just a sort of blush pink color, very light, very subdued. Sleeveless, but still collared so your chest and collarbones are covered, probably with a much thinner lace up top so your skin peeks through but of course something solid to cover your chest. You'd be waaaaayyy too shy to show that off, I bet. Long gloves though, with the fingers exposed so you can still appreciate the whole ring thing. Hmmmm...maybe a ballgown style skirt...I think you've probably got the hips and butt to pull off a mermaid style but that just doesn't really seem to be your style. At least not for something like a wedding. Maybe an evening or party dress though. But I bet she'd totally love it!
Especially when I bring up the veil, hiding those blushing cheeks of yours, and how shy and cute you'd be!
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[Holy fucking hell, Kokichi. In the few minutes it took you to come up with all that, you've already put more thought into Shuichi's hypothetical wedding than he has.]
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Oh man you should see your face, Saihara-chan! You look like you actually believe that I've given your wedding any thought! All I did was describe a picture I'd seen in a magazine, you shouldn't take everything I say so seriously.
[That's a lie, but he doesn't need to admit to Shuichi that he's a bit of a hopeless romantic, and thinking about things like that is something he does on occasion...]
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[Of course it was a lie. Duh.]
You just...said it so convincingly...it really sounded like you were serious.
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[Shuichi receives a mischievous smirk over the smaller boy's shoulder.]
Maybe I was dead serious about all that, and have even thought about other details for your wedding already! Maybe, deep down, I want to be a wedding planner when I grow up? Quit the hard life of being a super evil leader that controls the world and settle down into something just as hectic, but less malicious! Pursue my passion: planning special days for couples with no imagination that will likely divorce in a year!
[He kicks his feet idly behind him, careful not to kick either of them up far enough to reach the detective.]
Yes, serving lovesick, brainless morons who do nothing but scream at me all day because the tiniest detail that literally nobody else but them would notice is incorrect is definitely what I want to do with the rest of my life.