[Kokichi takes his hand back, burying his face in both of them.]

I know-- [He knows what Shuichi's trying to say. The boy doesn't have to finish anything he tried to say, or even point out what he doesn't have the heart to, because it's something he's been beating himself up over already.]

This is why I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to tell you about anything, because everything is stupid and embarrassing and all my fault. I just wanted to get it out of the way, like ripping off a band-aid, I didn't want to sit here and keep dreading it, and there's no way I could do something like that to someone else so I thought--

[He had to take this chance. How many people would actually want to or be willing to do that? Even if it was horrible, even if it was reckless...but it doesn't really matter what he thought. It's already done, and now he's paying the price for it.

He shakes his head with a little whimper.]

I don't want to play anymore. If I do it with people I don't like, I feel gross and it hurts, but even when I do it with people I do like I just feel horrible and guilty and lonely afterward.

[Not just talking about Kaede here, either. Doing it with anyone when they aren't the person you love is incredibly lonely...]