Shuichi "Beta-est of Betas" Saihara ✯ 最原 終一 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
diffidentive) wrote2017-11-13 11:58 am
diffidentive) wrote2017-11-13 11:58 am
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[He takes her reaching hand in his own, giving it a little squeeze.]
Good morning. [A beat.] Again.
[With his free hand, he brushes a few stray strands of hair off of her face.]
Did you sleep okay?
[He knows he can't really psend much time beating around the bush here, because who knows how long it'll actually take Kokichi to show up, but...somehow jumping right into "hey, so Kokichi is coming over to talk to you" as soon as she wakes up seems like poor form.]
Good morning. [A beat.] Again.
[With his free hand, he brushes a few stray strands of hair off of her face.]
Did you sleep okay?
[He knows he can't really psend much time beating around the bush here, because who knows how long it'll actually take Kokichi to show up, but...somehow jumping right into "hey, so Kokichi is coming over to talk to you" as soon as she wakes up seems like poor form.]
Mmhm.
[Honestly she could sleep a little longer, but jeez, what time is it already?? She'll sleep the whole morning if she's not careful. The nap was refreshing enough. Maybe she can get Shuichi to go to bed early with her tonight.
She sits up and stifles a yawn behind her free hand, clearly trying to wake herself up properly.]
Did you learn anything...? About the trees?
[Honestly she could sleep a little longer, but jeez, what time is it already?? She'll sleep the whole morning if she's not careful. The nap was refreshing enough. Maybe she can get Shuichi to go to bed early with her tonight.
She sits up and stifles a yawn behind her free hand, clearly trying to wake herself up properly.]
Did you learn anything...? About the trees?
[Oh hey...now that she's sitting up...that's his shirt, isn't it? She's wearing his shirt.]
[Cute.]
[Though also potentially a problem. But he'll get to that in a minute.]
Um...no. I uh...went and talked to Oma-kun instead. [Three guesses what about, and the first two don't count.] He sent me a text while you and I were talking, but obviously I didn't see it until I left, so...
[So yeah.]
He wanted to apologize for what happened last night. And he'll be over here soon to talk to you too. [He gives her a moment to process that before continuing, apologetically.] Sorry to spring that on you, but... I think the sooner you both talk about it, the better...
[Cute.]
[Though also potentially a problem. But he'll get to that in a minute.]
Um...no. I uh...went and talked to Oma-kun instead. [Three guesses what about, and the first two don't count.] He sent me a text while you and I were talking, but obviously I didn't see it until I left, so...
[So yeah.]
He wanted to apologize for what happened last night. And he'll be over here soon to talk to you too. [He gives her a moment to process that before continuing, apologetically.] Sorry to spring that on you, but... I think the sooner you both talk about it, the better...
Edited 2018-01-01 03:38 (UTC)
[She sure is wearing his shirt. Didn't bother buttoning it because his weenie nerd chest can't possibly match hers, but. Not the point.
She goes very, very still when he says he went to talk to Oma-kun, some of the familiar worry from this morning showing on her face. If nothing else, it wakes her up as fully as a splash of water.]
O-oh...
[Oh. Her earrings are back in her ears, too, in case Shuichi had tried texting her while he was out. A quick hand to one of them, and it's obvious that Kokichi hadn't tried texting her at all. He... went to apologize to Shuichi without talking to her first? He's not even dating Shuichi! The order of events seems weird.]
W-well, that's good, right? [Trying to sound upbeat, even though she's suddenly nervous again.] I wanted to talk to him anyway... is my sweatshirt still here?
[She's abandoned several pieces of outfits here over the past few weeks. Let her just... get dressed a little. Sure, maybe Kokichi saw her naked already, but-! It's the principle of the thing. No reason to be in her pajamas.]
She goes very, very still when he says he went to talk to Oma-kun, some of the familiar worry from this morning showing on her face. If nothing else, it wakes her up as fully as a splash of water.]
O-oh...
[Oh. Her earrings are back in her ears, too, in case Shuichi had tried texting her while he was out. A quick hand to one of them, and it's obvious that Kokichi hadn't tried texting her at all. He... went to apologize to Shuichi without talking to her first? He's not even dating Shuichi! The order of events seems weird.]
W-well, that's good, right? [Trying to sound upbeat, even though she's suddenly nervous again.] I wanted to talk to him anyway... is my sweatshirt still here?
[She's abandoned several pieces of outfits here over the past few weeks. Let her just... get dressed a little. Sure, maybe Kokichi saw her naked already, but-! It's the principle of the thing. No reason to be in her pajamas.]
[Shuichi nods, running his thumb over her fingers reassuringly.]
Yeah, it's good. [And then he lets go of her hand after a quick squeeze, because she's going to need that to get dressed.] And it should be? I haven't taken it anywhere, so unless you took it back to your room... Check the closet.
[That's where he puts all of the clothes that winds up in his room, be it his or Kaede's. Because he's sure as hell not going to leave it out on the floor.]
But um...maybe take my shirt off before he comes over here? Seeing something like that might...bother him, I think. He's...kind of a mess right now, though I'm sure by the time he comes over here, you won't be able to tell.
[He's being a little vague to give himself some time to figure out how much he should tell her. It's not his place to tell her most of what they discussed, but...he can't say NOTHING. Kaede isn't always the most careful about what she says. If he doesn't give her some kind of head's up, this discussion may end up being a bad thing, rather than a good one.]
Yeah, it's good. [And then he lets go of her hand after a quick squeeze, because she's going to need that to get dressed.] And it should be? I haven't taken it anywhere, so unless you took it back to your room... Check the closet.
[That's where he puts all of the clothes that winds up in his room, be it his or Kaede's. Because he's sure as hell not going to leave it out on the floor.]
But um...maybe take my shirt off before he comes over here? Seeing something like that might...bother him, I think. He's...kind of a mess right now, though I'm sure by the time he comes over here, you won't be able to tell.
[He's being a little vague to give himself some time to figure out how much he should tell her. It's not his place to tell her most of what they discussed, but...he can't say NOTHING. Kaede isn't always the most careful about what she says. If he doesn't give her some kind of head's up, this discussion may end up being a bad thing, rather than a good one.]
[Why can't clothes live on the floor, Shuichi. They can be in a comfy pile together.
She does let go of his hand and head to the closet, too. She pouts at a little when he suggests taking off his shirt, but... it's Shuichi. He wouldn't say it if he didn't think it were important. So yeah, she'll tug off his shirt and hang it back up where she found it before grabbing the hoodie she was looking for to just tug over her head. The pajama shorts can stay where they are, though... that covers her enough, she thinks.]
Is... it my fault he's a mess?
[She has to ask that, though, fingers tugging at the ends of her sweatshirt's sleeves anxiously.]
She does let go of his hand and head to the closet, too. She pouts at a little when he suggests taking off his shirt, but... it's Shuichi. He wouldn't say it if he didn't think it were important. So yeah, she'll tug off his shirt and hang it back up where she found it before grabbing the hoodie she was looking for to just tug over her head. The pajama shorts can stay where they are, though... that covers her enough, she thinks.]
Is... it my fault he's a mess?
[She has to ask that, though, fingers tugging at the ends of her sweatshirt's sleeves anxiously.]
What? No! [He puts his hands up in front of him in a sort of half distressed, half placating gesture.][He shifts a little on the bed so that he can face Kaede more properly now that she's moved to a different part of the room.]
He...he's been covering it up really well, trying to hide it from us but...he's miserable, Akamatsu-san. For starters: he's still carrying a lot of guilt about the killing game. Apparently, he's been having nightmares...ones bad enough to keep him from sleeping. I don't think he's had a decent night's sleep in weeks...he looked like a ghost when I went over there. Though I'm sure he'll have covered it all up by the time he comes over here.
[So...you know. Maybe don't mention that when he comes over here. You totally didn't hear any of this from Shuichi.]
And then on top of that...he's not enjoying this game any more than he did the killing game. All that talk about how easy he thinks it is and how he's not bothered about playing with strangers...that was all a lie. He's not having fun at all, even if he plays with people he actually likes.
He's...really lonely, Akamatsu-san. More than anything, he's just really lonely. And a game like "kink bingo" just makes that worse, you know?
[Because it's all about sex. About being intimate with others. The very opposite of being alone.]
Honestly, between all the residual guilt over the killing game, fear for the well-being of his subordinates, and everything that's happened to him here...I'm surprised he didn't crack before now.
He...he's been covering it up really well, trying to hide it from us but...he's miserable, Akamatsu-san. For starters: he's still carrying a lot of guilt about the killing game. Apparently, he's been having nightmares...ones bad enough to keep him from sleeping. I don't think he's had a decent night's sleep in weeks...he looked like a ghost when I went over there. Though I'm sure he'll have covered it all up by the time he comes over here.
[So...you know. Maybe don't mention that when he comes over here. You totally didn't hear any of this from Shuichi.]
And then on top of that...he's not enjoying this game any more than he did the killing game. All that talk about how easy he thinks it is and how he's not bothered about playing with strangers...that was all a lie. He's not having fun at all, even if he plays with people he actually likes.
He's...really lonely, Akamatsu-san. More than anything, he's just really lonely. And a game like "kink bingo" just makes that worse, you know?
[Because it's all about sex. About being intimate with others. The very opposite of being alone.]
Honestly, between all the residual guilt over the killing game, fear for the well-being of his subordinates, and everything that's happened to him here...I'm surprised he didn't crack before now.
[Well... at least what happened last night wasn't the direct cause for his breakdown, but now she just feels guilty for other reasons. Her shoulders hunch, just slightly, at the mention of nightmares; of course he'd have those. She still has them, and she hadn't gone through nearly as much as Kokichi had. Hell, she's still envious of how Shuichi can seem to sleep through every night without waking up. So she'd just assumed... it was just her. She had no reason to think Kokichi might be suffering, too, but maybe she should have.
That's what a friend would do, isn't it? See through the lies and help him? Instead she'd been so focused on Shuichi, on making the most of every day on this station and trying to forget the killing game, that she'd failed to look deeper, try to look past his lies.]
He seemed like... he was having a lot of fun.
[She sits down on the bed, eyes unfocused as she stares at the wall straight ahead. Honestly, she's replaying some of what happened last night, trying to think if there were any hints. But neither of them were acting like themselves, then, so how was she to know?]
If he doesn't want to play, then... we can play for him, right? What if we all moved in together? That would save money, and he'd be less lonely if he could bother us all the time.
[Me and you and your friend Steve, more like. But it's easier to propose moving in with Shuichi, which she's wanted to do for a while now, if she's suggesting it be all three of them.]
That's what a friend would do, isn't it? See through the lies and help him? Instead she'd been so focused on Shuichi, on making the most of every day on this station and trying to forget the killing game, that she'd failed to look deeper, try to look past his lies.]
He seemed like... he was having a lot of fun.
[She sits down on the bed, eyes unfocused as she stares at the wall straight ahead. Honestly, she's replaying some of what happened last night, trying to think if there were any hints. But neither of them were acting like themselves, then, so how was she to know?]
If he doesn't want to play, then... we can play for him, right? What if we all moved in together? That would save money, and he'd be less lonely if he could bother us all the time.
[Me and you and your friend Steve, more like. But it's easier to propose moving in with Shuichi, which she's wanted to do for a while now, if she's suggesting it be all three of them.]
Yeah, well...he seemed like he was having a lot of fun during the killing game too. Lying is like breathing for him, Akamatsu-san. The only reason I got as much out of him as I did is because he's exhausted...it was much easier to catch him in his lies than it normally is.
[You should have heard them, Kaede. Most of them were so bad. So...very very bad. Shuichi sighs.]
I don't know about all of us moving in together. I mean...I'd be okay with that, [Especially since Kaede already seems to basically live here anyway.] but I'm not sure if that would just...make him feel more lonely. I think he might be a little jealous of what we have. But we can talk about that later.
I did tell him I'd play for him, though, and he accepted that, at least on a temporary basis. So we'll see, I guess.
[You should have heard them, Kaede. Most of them were so bad. So...very very bad. Shuichi sighs.]
I don't know about all of us moving in together. I mean...I'd be okay with that, [Especially since Kaede already seems to basically live here anyway.] but I'm not sure if that would just...make him feel more lonely. I think he might be a little jealous of what we have. But we can talk about that later.
I did tell him I'd play for him, though, and he accepted that, at least on a temporary basis. So we'll see, I guess.
Mmm...
[She can't say she isn't a little disappointed that he didn't agree immediately, but he's right. If Kokichi really is jealous, it might be worse to see them together all the time... hm. Tricky.
She can't help but huff a quiet laugh through her nose, though, leaning forward to rest her chin in her hands and give him a smile.]
I guess we'll have to really start focusing on our squares then, huh, Saihara-kun? If he still wants a secret base and all that...
[And she winks at him, trying to lighten the mood at least a little before Kokichi gets here. Whenever you're ready, boyo.]
[She can't say she isn't a little disappointed that he didn't agree immediately, but he's right. If Kokichi really is jealous, it might be worse to see them together all the time... hm. Tricky.
She can't help but huff a quiet laugh through her nose, though, leaning forward to rest her chin in her hands and give him a smile.]
I guess we'll have to really start focusing on our squares then, huh, Saihara-kun? If he still wants a secret base and all that...
[And she winks at him, trying to lighten the mood at least a little before Kokichi gets here. Whenever you're ready, boyo.]
[Hey, he never said he was opposed to just moving in with you. Just that maybe a me and you and your friend Steve situation might not be a good idea.]
[Shuichi's cheeks turn faintly pink, but he laughs quietly too.]
I guess so...I forgot about the secret base. Maybe I should have been more specific when I said "support".
[It's a joke, obviously. Kokichi clearly doesn't expect that out of him, and he knows it. Since the other boy said he wouldn't make him support him forever. But the mood could definitely use some lightening.]
Oh, hey...don't tell him I told you all of this. Not yet, anyway. Just focus on what happened last night, for now. He feels guilty enough about that without even touching everything else that's bothering him.
[Shuichi is pretty sure he might strangle him if he has to have the same conversation with Kaede. He was presumably not supposed to tell her any of the stuff he just did but...look, she needed some context.]
[Shuichi's cheeks turn faintly pink, but he laughs quietly too.]
I guess so...I forgot about the secret base. Maybe I should have been more specific when I said "support".
[It's a joke, obviously. Kokichi clearly doesn't expect that out of him, and he knows it. Since the other boy said he wouldn't make him support him forever. But the mood could definitely use some lightening.]
Oh, hey...don't tell him I told you all of this. Not yet, anyway. Just focus on what happened last night, for now. He feels guilty enough about that without even touching everything else that's bothering him.
[Shuichi is pretty sure he might strangle him if he has to have the same conversation with Kaede. He was presumably not supposed to tell her any of the stuff he just did but...look, she needed some context.]
[He was quiet as could be as he snuck into Shuichi's cabin, knowing that he's a heavy sleeper but preferring not to risk it anyway. While he's done this numerous times before already - "Of course I can pick the locks here too, it only took a little digging to figure out how. They're electronic, but that doesn't mean they're invincible," had been his lie to explain how the detective found himself waking up to Kokichi lounging on his couch, breakfast for the two of them on the coffee table the first time it had happened - this was more important. It didn't matter if he'd woken up and caught him any of those times.
This time it was different. It was the middle of the night rather than merely the early hours of the morning, and there were still fresh tears refusing to go away prickling at the corners of his eyes and dripping from his chin. He'd asked a few times already to cuddle with his friends before, but he'd never really needed it beyond nightmare prevention. Nights when he slept on his own and had nightmares he'd simply stay awake afterward, focus on something else, deal with it on his own. Sometimes he'd text Kaede but not often.
This was the worst one though...the nightmare that always got him, that he couldn't ever actually tell them about, that was hardest to ignore and forget and distract himself from. That's why he was cracking, giving in and seeking out some form of comfort. Once he was sure Shuichi was still asleep, he clicked the door shut behind and slipped out of his shoes, then made his way over to the other boy's bed. He had to wonder how his friend would react in the morning as he very carefully slipped under the covers. Would he be mad? Upset? It's not like he wasn't allowed to cuddle with him, but he's supposed to ask first, not just sneak in like this...
Maybe he'd get a good chance to tease him out of it. "Oh, you don't remember? How cruel~ We slept together, you know! That's why we're curled up like this~" Then again, maybe not. That might be too painful of a lie to tell. He'd think about it again in the morning, and instead focus on the now. At first he kept some space between them, just laying on his side and watching Shuichi sleep. Watching his chest rise and fall with his easy breathing, trying to slow his own down to match, maybe calm himself down that way...admiring his peaceful expression, and the features of his face. He can look without really being judged like this - aside from heavily judging himself - and so he does, once again trying to distract himself. Maybe try and separate this Shuichi from the one in his dream that always gives him such a cold, hateful and piercing glare...can this gentle person really make such an expression?
Well...of course he can. He already has, towards Kokichi at least. Frowning, he reaches a hand up to rub at his eyes, just willing himself to stop thinking about that. Okay, Plan C for "Forget about that nightmare". He scoots forward, closing the distance between them and hesitantly, carefully curls up against his side. He has to nudge Shuichi's arm out of the way a little, but that doesn't stop him. He's so light, there's no way he could wake him up like this, right? If Kaede can manages to sneak in here to sleep with him - and she must, he's convinced that she does - then he can too, easily. He's tiny and thin and light, Shuichi won't know that he's there. He tucks his cheek against his chest, choosing to ignore the fact that he's still crying and that'll surely get his shirt wet, and brings his hands up. His fingers curl slightly into the fabric of the other boy's nightshirt, rather than wrapping his arms around him like he wants to.]
...h-hey, Saihara-chan, this is okay right? Stay asleep if it is, okay?
[That totally counts as permission. If it really bothered him, he would wake up! It's not like he's the familiar body and weight that Shuichi would be used to, so he'd definitely wake up if he cared...]
This time it was different. It was the middle of the night rather than merely the early hours of the morning, and there were still fresh tears refusing to go away prickling at the corners of his eyes and dripping from his chin. He'd asked a few times already to cuddle with his friends before, but he'd never really needed it beyond nightmare prevention. Nights when he slept on his own and had nightmares he'd simply stay awake afterward, focus on something else, deal with it on his own. Sometimes he'd text Kaede but not often.
This was the worst one though...the nightmare that always got him, that he couldn't ever actually tell them about, that was hardest to ignore and forget and distract himself from. That's why he was cracking, giving in and seeking out some form of comfort. Once he was sure Shuichi was still asleep, he clicked the door shut behind and slipped out of his shoes, then made his way over to the other boy's bed. He had to wonder how his friend would react in the morning as he very carefully slipped under the covers. Would he be mad? Upset? It's not like he wasn't allowed to cuddle with him, but he's supposed to ask first, not just sneak in like this...
Maybe he'd get a good chance to tease him out of it. "Oh, you don't remember? How cruel~ We slept together, you know! That's why we're curled up like this~" Then again, maybe not. That might be too painful of a lie to tell. He'd think about it again in the morning, and instead focus on the now. At first he kept some space between them, just laying on his side and watching Shuichi sleep. Watching his chest rise and fall with his easy breathing, trying to slow his own down to match, maybe calm himself down that way...admiring his peaceful expression, and the features of his face. He can look without really being judged like this - aside from heavily judging himself - and so he does, once again trying to distract himself. Maybe try and separate this Shuichi from the one in his dream that always gives him such a cold, hateful and piercing glare...can this gentle person really make such an expression?
Well...of course he can. He already has, towards Kokichi at least. Frowning, he reaches a hand up to rub at his eyes, just willing himself to stop thinking about that. Okay, Plan C for "Forget about that nightmare". He scoots forward, closing the distance between them and hesitantly, carefully curls up against his side. He has to nudge Shuichi's arm out of the way a little, but that doesn't stop him. He's so light, there's no way he could wake him up like this, right? If Kaede can manages to sneak in here to sleep with him - and she must, he's convinced that she does - then he can too, easily. He's tiny and thin and light, Shuichi won't know that he's there. He tucks his cheek against his chest, choosing to ignore the fact that he's still crying and that'll surely get his shirt wet, and brings his hands up. His fingers curl slightly into the fabric of the other boy's nightshirt, rather than wrapping his arms around him like he wants to.]
...h-hey, Saihara-chan, this is okay right? Stay asleep if it is, okay?
[That totally counts as permission. If it really bothered him, he would wake up! It's not like he's the familiar body and weight that Shuichi would be used to, so he'd definitely wake up if he cared...]
Edited 2018-02-05 09:42 (UTC)
[Of course he can pick locks here too, of course. Except, no, he can't. It honestly hadn't taken Shuichi long to see through that particular lie. Perhaps if Kokichi hadn't messed with the virtual reality projections on his walls every time he snuck in with breakfast, it would have taken him a little longer, but...he's pretty sure the truth is that Kokichi gave himself room access. He knew the other boy had messed with his communicator the first time they went to the public baths together, clearly he hadn't JUST been sneaking a peek at his bingo card as he'd claimed.]
[A normal person probably would have revoked access once they'd figured that out, but...well, it's Shuichi. Yes, it's really dangerous to let someone like Kokichi Oma have free access to your room, and he DEFINITELY wouldn't have given it to him if he'd asked, but...if he took it away now, the leader would surely just try and steal his watch again. Or, worse yet, he'd REALLY learn how to pick electronic locks, and that's just not something Shuichi can let happen in good conscience. Nobody needs that.]
[So he'd made the ill-advised decision not to do anything about it and just tried his best not to give Kokichi a reason to leave any particularly mean-spirited surprises in his room.]
[But that's neither here nor there, at the moment, since Shuichi has no idea that he's no longer alone in his room. He doesn't hear little bare feet creeping across his room, nor does he feel a slight weight on the mattress as the intruder slips into bed with him and under his covers. Even as Kokichi watches him, he slumbers on, peacefully and without a care in the world.]
[They really should consider getting Shuichi an alarm system or something. Somebody could break in and murder him and that would be that.]
M-mnn...
[At least he does seem to be vaguely aware that somebody is touching him. Maybe even that someone is whispering, who can say. He frowns slightly as Kokichi's fingers grip his shirt, and for the briefest moment it looks like he might wake up.]
[But he doesn't. He gives a sleepy little whine and rolls over onto his side and kind of lazily throws his arm over the smaller body next to him and pulls him a little closer with a content sigh.]
[Kokichi was 100% correct.]
[Kaede DOES sneak into bed with him.]
[A lot.]
[So much so, that it's gotten to a point where Shuichi's muscles will just kind of unconsciously react while he snoozes on. Kind of like how some people will turn an alarm clock off without waking up. He's just used to it by now. Even the size difference goes unnoticed by his unconscious mind. Yup, this is Kaede, alright. Time to snuggle, business as usual, no need to wake up.]
[A normal person probably would have revoked access once they'd figured that out, but...well, it's Shuichi. Yes, it's really dangerous to let someone like Kokichi Oma have free access to your room, and he DEFINITELY wouldn't have given it to him if he'd asked, but...if he took it away now, the leader would surely just try and steal his watch again. Or, worse yet, he'd REALLY learn how to pick electronic locks, and that's just not something Shuichi can let happen in good conscience. Nobody needs that.]
[So he'd made the ill-advised decision not to do anything about it and just tried his best not to give Kokichi a reason to leave any particularly mean-spirited surprises in his room.]
[But that's neither here nor there, at the moment, since Shuichi has no idea that he's no longer alone in his room. He doesn't hear little bare feet creeping across his room, nor does he feel a slight weight on the mattress as the intruder slips into bed with him and under his covers. Even as Kokichi watches him, he slumbers on, peacefully and without a care in the world.]
[They really should consider getting Shuichi an alarm system or something. Somebody could break in and murder him and that would be that.]
M-mnn...
[At least he does seem to be vaguely aware that somebody is touching him. Maybe even that someone is whispering, who can say. He frowns slightly as Kokichi's fingers grip his shirt, and for the briefest moment it looks like he might wake up.]
[But he doesn't. He gives a sleepy little whine and rolls over onto his side and kind of lazily throws his arm over the smaller body next to him and pulls him a little closer with a content sigh.]
[Kokichi was 100% correct.]
[Kaede DOES sneak into bed with him.]
[A lot.]
[So much so, that it's gotten to a point where Shuichi's muscles will just kind of unconsciously react while he snoozes on. Kind of like how some people will turn an alarm clock off without waking up. He's just used to it by now. Even the size difference goes unnoticed by his unconscious mind. Yup, this is Kaede, alright. Time to snuggle, business as usual, no need to wake up.]
[He absolutely would have learned how to truly pick an electronic lock. Good call, Shuichi.
He holds his breath when it seems like he might wake up, but doesn't let it back out until a few moments after he's been pulled in. When he does let it out, it's with a shudder, matching the soft and upset trembling that's settled into his body. This is nice...it's really nice. It's just Shuichi turning over and laying an arm over him, nothing big, but it's still really nice. It's still him doing that of his on volition, without Kokichi needing to ask. Which...yes, just means that he's probably imagining that Kaede's in bed with him, but...
Then again, it's that fact that also makes this painful. For a few beats his fingers just grip tighter to his shirt before letting go completely, the boy finally wrapping him in as much of an embrace as he can manage. The detective isn't particularly buff, but his arms aren't particularly long either, but it's enough for him. It's enough to just cling to him like this, blinking back more tears as his heart aches over the whole situation. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should have stayed in bed and just dealt with it there. Then again, he hasn't been making good choices or coming up with good ideas since he got to the station, so maybe he deserves this...]
He holds his breath when it seems like he might wake up, but doesn't let it back out until a few moments after he's been pulled in. When he does let it out, it's with a shudder, matching the soft and upset trembling that's settled into his body. This is nice...it's really nice. It's just Shuichi turning over and laying an arm over him, nothing big, but it's still really nice. It's still him doing that of his on volition, without Kokichi needing to ask. Which...yes, just means that he's probably imagining that Kaede's in bed with him, but...
Then again, it's that fact that also makes this painful. For a few beats his fingers just grip tighter to his shirt before letting go completely, the boy finally wrapping him in as much of an embrace as he can manage. The detective isn't particularly buff, but his arms aren't particularly long either, but it's enough for him. It's enough to just cling to him like this, blinking back more tears as his heart aches over the whole situation. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should have stayed in bed and just dealt with it there. Then again, he hasn't been making good choices or coming up with good ideas since he got to the station, so maybe he deserves this...]
[To be fair, he's not really imagining anything. He's just...kind of under the impression that it's Kaede because that's always who it is.]
[Except this time, it's not. Which is going to be a bit of a surprise once Shuichi finally wakes up. Though that's probably several hours from now, judging by the way he quickly falls back into his peaceful, sleeping breathing from earlier.]
[Making the "good choice" and leaving may be a little easier said than done, however. While he's certainly no Takoma-chan, once Kokichi wraps his arms around him, Shuichi's grip tightens just enough to make escaping without waking him highly improbable. Heavy sleeper he may be, but there's no way he won't feel an escape attempt.]
[If Kokichi really wants to go back to his room, he's going to have to hope Shuichi lets him go and rolls back over onto his back at some point.]
[Except this time, it's not. Which is going to be a bit of a surprise once Shuichi finally wakes up. Though that's probably several hours from now, judging by the way he quickly falls back into his peaceful, sleeping breathing from earlier.]
[Making the "good choice" and leaving may be a little easier said than done, however. While he's certainly no Takoma-chan, once Kokichi wraps his arms around him, Shuichi's grip tightens just enough to make escaping without waking him highly improbable. Heavy sleeper he may be, but there's no way he won't feel an escape attempt.]
[If Kokichi really wants to go back to his room, he's going to have to hope Shuichi lets him go and rolls back over onto his back at some point.]
[He does want to...but he doesn't. He wants to retreat, go back and suffer alone, stop being a burden on Shuichi who probably won't be happy with him for just sneaking in and whom he probably makes uncomfortable with his cuddling requests normally, even if they are for a good reason (most of the time)...he wants to leave so it stops hurting so much.
But he also wants to stay, and enjoy this. Enjoy the way Shuichi's grip tightens just a little more, just enough to make him feel safe and secure, and the way his chest gently rises and falls against him now that makes it even easier to match his own breathing with it, even with all of the hitches in it that come with his tears. How warm it is, how it smells like Shuichi, all of these tiny reminders that he's not alone right now, even if he deserves to be like the detective in his dream continues to reminds him. He'll always be alone but right now, in this moment, he's not and he can pretend that he never will be again. Even if it's a lie.
So he makes another bad decision and presses even closer to his friend rather than try and escape, body as flush against Shuichi's as possible. His hands grip tight at the detectives shoulders in a silent plea for him to stay turned like this and he inhales deeply once he presses his cheek against him again. Ugh...he fits so perfectly like this. Held in his arms, it's really obvious...sure, the same could probably be said about him and anyone who's taller, but it would never come with this same feeling of belonging he's pretty sure.
Which...doesn't that just suck? Oh well. How many couples out there are perfect anyway? It doesn't matter if Shuichi is the only one that can make him feel this way, he'll surely find someone he can just...settle with. Or maybe just stay single forever, there are plenty of people like that too. Forget his romantics heart, he can lie and pretend better than anyone, so pretending one night stands and simple flings are something more will be enough...eventually. Once he can move past his feelings for this detective and get back on the horse...
He needs to stop thinking. Every time he's sure he's done with this stupid crying, when he thinks his heart has stopped feeling like it's being stabbed and has settled into more of a constantly squeezing a bruise feeling, his mind wanders to some other painful subject. What's wrong with him? Squeezing his eyes shut, he takes a deep breath and holds it before letting it out again in time with one of the detectives exhales. And then he tries to match his breathing again. Calm back down...]
But he also wants to stay, and enjoy this. Enjoy the way Shuichi's grip tightens just a little more, just enough to make him feel safe and secure, and the way his chest gently rises and falls against him now that makes it even easier to match his own breathing with it, even with all of the hitches in it that come with his tears. How warm it is, how it smells like Shuichi, all of these tiny reminders that he's not alone right now, even if he deserves to be like the detective in his dream continues to reminds him. He'll always be alone but right now, in this moment, he's not and he can pretend that he never will be again. Even if it's a lie.
So he makes another bad decision and presses even closer to his friend rather than try and escape, body as flush against Shuichi's as possible. His hands grip tight at the detectives shoulders in a silent plea for him to stay turned like this and he inhales deeply once he presses his cheek against him again. Ugh...he fits so perfectly like this. Held in his arms, it's really obvious...sure, the same could probably be said about him and anyone who's taller, but it would never come with this same feeling of belonging he's pretty sure.
Which...doesn't that just suck? Oh well. How many couples out there are perfect anyway? It doesn't matter if Shuichi is the only one that can make him feel this way, he'll surely find someone he can just...settle with. Or maybe just stay single forever, there are plenty of people like that too. Forget his romantics heart, he can lie and pretend better than anyone, so pretending one night stands and simple flings are something more will be enough...eventually. Once he can move past his feelings for this detective and get back on the horse...
He needs to stop thinking. Every time he's sure he's done with this stupid crying, when he thinks his heart has stopped feeling like it's being stabbed and has settled into more of a constantly squeezing a bruise feeling, his mind wanders to some other painful subject. What's wrong with him? Squeezing his eyes shut, he takes a deep breath and holds it before letting it out again in time with one of the detectives exhales. And then he tries to match his breathing again. Calm back down...]
[Shuichi's breathing remains calm and steady, so Kokichi shouldn't have to much trouble syncing his own up with it. Though...pressing himself flush against the detective was definitely something of a mistake. While it doesn't wake him up, it does cause Shuichi to sort of curl around the smaller boy with a content sigh as he tucks his head against the top of Kokichi's, nuzzling his hair briefly with his face.]
[Yes, that was definitely a mistake. A good one, Kokichi delighting at being curled around and feeling that head against his own, that nuzzle against his hair, but a mistake none the less. It's only a momentary high, his feelings quickly crashing back down afterward. He's mastered silent crying by now and he's never been more grateful for the tactic. Sure, Shuichi waking up and comforting him and maybe even being enough of a gentleman to wipe his tears away would be nice, but he'd prefer the other boy not see him like this at all. This is killing him, and it's best that nobody sees that in the end.
But it is, at least, still nice to fall asleep in his arms, pretending that this is Shuichi loving the feeling of him tucked so close against him. Technically that's not a lie, right? Just because the detective doesn't know that he isn't his girlfriend...that doesn't change the fact that clearly the other boy is content like this...
He'll convince himself to be content too. Even if that is definitely a lie.
Sorry that you have to wake up with this gremlin in your arms, Shuichi...but he'll be sound asleep by the time the detective starts stirring, whenever that is.]
But it is, at least, still nice to fall asleep in his arms, pretending that this is Shuichi loving the feeling of him tucked so close against him. Technically that's not a lie, right? Just because the detective doesn't know that he isn't his girlfriend...that doesn't change the fact that clearly the other boy is content like this...
He'll convince himself to be content too. Even if that is definitely a lie.
Sorry that you have to wake up with this gremlin in your arms, Shuichi...but he'll be sound asleep by the time the detective starts stirring, whenever that is.]
[I mean...he's not wrong. Shuichi is enjoying this, even though he doesn't know that it isn't his girlfriend curled up against him. He's a simple boy who enjoys simple things, and snuggling definitely falls in that category.]
[So he slumbers on, content and motionless. It's several hours before he finally begins to stir to wakefulness and realize that he's not alone in bed. He smiles to himself, giving a contented little hum as he nuzzles the top of Kaed--]
[Wait. Did Kaede switch shampoos? Her hair smells different.]
[And she's a lot smaller.]
[And there's a distinct lack of boob pressing against him...]
[Shuichi frowns, eyelids finally fluttering open to an eyeful of dark hair. Yeah, definitely not Kaede. But he's pretty sure he knows who it actually is, so no reason to panic just yet...]
O-Oma-kun?
[Can he...maybe pull away? On a scale of limp noodle to baby koala, just how tightly is Kokichi clinging to him now?]
[So he slumbers on, content and motionless. It's several hours before he finally begins to stir to wakefulness and realize that he's not alone in bed. He smiles to himself, giving a contented little hum as he nuzzles the top of Kaed--]
[Wait. Did Kaede switch shampoos? Her hair smells different.]
[And she's a lot smaller.]
[And there's a distinct lack of boob pressing against him...]
[Shuichi frowns, eyelids finally fluttering open to an eyeful of dark hair. Yeah, definitely not Kaede. But he's pretty sure he knows who it actually is, so no reason to panic just yet...]
O-Oma-kun?
[Can he...maybe pull away? On a scale of limp noodle to baby koala, just how tightly is Kokichi clinging to him now?]
[Unfortunately, it's baby koala. While he may be asleep, his hands stay curled tight in Shuichi's shirt, arms locked around him and refusing to let go. The detective would probably have to wake him up to pull away at this point. His face scrunches up just a little as he feels Shuichi try and move, and he buries it more against his chest in response, cheek nuzzling against him almost contently, or pleadingly. It's both, really.
Don't go?? He's happy like this. It's warm and safe and comforting...]
Don't go?? He's happy like this. It's warm and safe and comforting...]
[Shuichi sighs as it becomes clear that he's not going anywhere until Kokichi wakes up. Alright. Guess he's just...going to lay here and wait for that. Kokichi may be a troublesome gremlin when he's awake, but he looks so peaceful and innocent like this...Shuichi just doesn't have it in him to wake him up. It's not like this is an emergency, he's just not sure what's going on and some answers would be nice.]
[The other boy must have had a nightmare, but if that's the case...where's Kaede? Why wouldn't he wake her up first and then bring her with him? He likes being sandwiched between them, doesn't he? Hmm...]
[The other boy must have had a nightmare, but if that's the case...where's Kaede? Why wouldn't he wake her up first and then bring her with him? He likes being sandwiched between them, doesn't he? Hmm...]
[That's the question, isn't it? Especially since, before now, he's never invaded Shuichi's bed when he's broken into his cabin. Sure, who knows how long he's ever been there, but it's likely always been long enough that he could have snuggled under his covers too if he wanted.
Luckily Shuichi won't be trapped there for too long. Kokichi is both a light sleeper as well as one that doesn't sleep for long periods of time usually. The detective trying to pull away had sort of kicked him into the slow, slow process of waking up, and it's maybe half an hour later that he seems to stir. He shifts a little with a sleepy sound and a few moments later his eyes crack open. Barely, the boy blinking a few times to start really waking up...the usual morning process with him.
Though this time around, he's much quicker to actually start moving. Usually the most he'll do is allow people to come and go from the bed, maybe reaching for them when they get done with their morning business and are close enough to try and pull them back under the covers, but for the most part he just lazes around while he wakes up.
After only half a minute of the sleepy blinking however, his eyes snap open as he inhales sharply as if waking up from a nightmare. His gaze darts around to take note of his location before settling on Shuichi's face, fingers tightening their grip on his shirt.]
...Saih'ra-ch'n...?
Luckily Shuichi won't be trapped there for too long. Kokichi is both a light sleeper as well as one that doesn't sleep for long periods of time usually. The detective trying to pull away had sort of kicked him into the slow, slow process of waking up, and it's maybe half an hour later that he seems to stir. He shifts a little with a sleepy sound and a few moments later his eyes crack open. Barely, the boy blinking a few times to start really waking up...the usual morning process with him.
Though this time around, he's much quicker to actually start moving. Usually the most he'll do is allow people to come and go from the bed, maybe reaching for them when they get done with their morning business and are close enough to try and pull them back under the covers, but for the most part he just lazes around while he wakes up.
After only half a minute of the sleepy blinking however, his eyes snap open as he inhales sharply as if waking up from a nightmare. His gaze darts around to take note of his location before settling on Shuichi's face, fingers tightening their grip on his shirt.]
...Saih'ra-ch'n...?
[Half an hour gives him enough time to try and puzzle this all out. It's not like he has anything else to do, may as well try to figure things out on his own, right? Those Super High School Level Detective instincts never sleep.]
[There was nothing stopping him from waking Kaede up. Sure, he can't get into her room, but she's not as heavy of a sleeper as Shuichi is. If he'd knocked on her door loud enough, she would have woken up. And he's fairly sure the leader would have no qualms whatsoever with doing something like that, even if it was the middle of the night and therefore kinda rude to go banging on people's doors.]
[So since Kaede isn't here, Shuichi can only assume that was intentional. Kokichi chose not to wake her up, because...]
[Because...]
[Because she would have asked questions? Yeah...yeah, she would definitely try and make him talk about it, he had gone to her first. He probably didn't want to deal with that, which means...oh.]
[Oh.]
[Sure, Kokichi wouldn't want to talk about any of his nightmares, and he could have always lied his way around Kaede's questions, but...she's an unpredictable force of nature. There's always a slim chance she could have forced him to talk about it somehow. He must have wanted to avoid that at all costs, which means his nightmare must have been something really bad. Something that he wouldn't want Kaede to know, but something he felt safe going to Shuichi about.]
[And there's only one thing Shuichi can think of that fits that description: The Gore Square Encounter.]
[Yeah...that had definitely disturbed Kokichi and messed him up, enough that the memory of it could send him running to a friend for comfort like a frightened child. It might even explain why he's attached himself to the detective like a baby koala, as opposed to just curling up at his side.]
[Yeah...that must be what happened. It's the only theory that makes any sense to Shuichi. And it just makes him all the more determined to wait patiently for Kokichi to wake up on his own.]
A-ah! [...though, when he finally does, he manages to startle Shuichi in the process. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't realized what Kokichi's shifting meant. He hadn't noticed the leader's eyes start to open, had completely missed the sleepy blinking...it's the sharp inhale that finally gets his attention, jolting him out of his musings.] Um...y-yeah, it's me, Oma-kun.
[There was nothing stopping him from waking Kaede up. Sure, he can't get into her room, but she's not as heavy of a sleeper as Shuichi is. If he'd knocked on her door loud enough, she would have woken up. And he's fairly sure the leader would have no qualms whatsoever with doing something like that, even if it was the middle of the night and therefore kinda rude to go banging on people's doors.]
[So since Kaede isn't here, Shuichi can only assume that was intentional. Kokichi chose not to wake her up, because...]
[Because...]
[Because she would have asked questions? Yeah...yeah, she would definitely try and make him talk about it, he had gone to her first. He probably didn't want to deal with that, which means...oh.]
[Oh.]
[Sure, Kokichi wouldn't want to talk about any of his nightmares, and he could have always lied his way around Kaede's questions, but...she's an unpredictable force of nature. There's always a slim chance she could have forced him to talk about it somehow. He must have wanted to avoid that at all costs, which means his nightmare must have been something really bad. Something that he wouldn't want Kaede to know, but something he felt safe going to Shuichi about.]
[And there's only one thing Shuichi can think of that fits that description: The Gore Square Encounter.]
[Yeah...that had definitely disturbed Kokichi and messed him up, enough that the memory of it could send him running to a friend for comfort like a frightened child. It might even explain why he's attached himself to the detective like a baby koala, as opposed to just curling up at his side.]
[Yeah...that must be what happened. It's the only theory that makes any sense to Shuichi. And it just makes him all the more determined to wait patiently for Kokichi to wake up on his own.]
A-ah! [...though, when he finally does, he manages to startle Shuichi in the process. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't realized what Kokichi's shifting meant. He hadn't noticed the leader's eyes start to open, had completely missed the sleepy blinking...it's the sharp inhale that finally gets his attention, jolting him out of his musings.] Um...y-yeah, it's me, Oma-kun.
[There are a few tenses moments more that he continues to stare at him, as if he's expecting him to not actually be real, or he expects Shuichi to do something unpleasant. But soon that tension melts away, eyelids heavy and drooping pretty quickly afterward again as he goes to press his cheek against him once more with a relieved whimper.
Yeah. Definitely a nightmare he doesn't want Kaede asking questions about. Technically one he didn't want Shuichi asking questions about either, but then again here he is. Running to him like a frightened child. He's trembling some, though it's difficult to tell if it's from relief or lingering paranoia and fear.]
Yeah. Definitely a nightmare he doesn't want Kaede asking questions about. Technically one he didn't want Shuichi asking questions about either, but then again here he is. Running to him like a frightened child. He's trembling some, though it's difficult to tell if it's from relief or lingering paranoia and fear.]
[Ah...he had another one, didn't he? He must have, with that kind of reaction. Shuichi shifts a little, bringing his hand up to pat the top of Kokichi's head in what he hopes is a comforting way, rather than a patronizing one.]
[Yeah, his actions are comparable to a child's right now but...Shuichi can't really see Kokichi himself as childish, not over something like this.]
[Though that will definitely change once he bounces back from this and starts acting like his usual, fun-loving self. But being frightened by nightmares and seeking out physical comfort like this, after the things he's been through-- the things they've all been through-- there's nothing childish about that.]
You can go back to sleep, if you want. Sorry if I woke you up...
[Yeah, his actions are comparable to a child's right now but...Shuichi can't really see Kokichi himself as childish, not over something like this.]
[Though that will definitely change once he bounces back from this and starts acting like his usual, fun-loving self. But being frightened by nightmares and seeking out physical comfort like this, after the things he's been through-- the things they've all been through-- there's nothing childish about that.]
You can go back to sleep, if you want. Sorry if I woke you up...
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